The Life I Thought I wanted

Last night I was tooling around on the internet (I know, I know, should've been working on my book) and I stumbled upon a blast from the past. On Facebook I came across one of the guys I started art classes with at BGSU (we were in several studio classes together). After graduating he got his Masters from BGSU and is now a pretty famous artist living and working in Florence, Italy. He has taught classes at SACI and currently does shows all over Italy and Europe. His paintings are amazing (he paints portraits/nudes, mainly). I remember in studio how I was always secretly competing against him--trying to be the better sketcher/painter/sculptor etc. We were cordial in class and chatted as classmates do but he was always somewhat aloof--maybe even shy. As the years went on I broke off into design and he stayed in painting. I took a year and a half off to work and make money and he graduated. When I came back he was a grad student and I was finishing up my design degree. We would acknowledge each other in the halls but it was apparent that he had transcended into something greater then when we shared those early classes together.

Now nearly 20 years later he is living the life I always dreamed about when I was younger--painting and living in Italy. I used to imagine myself sketching on the streets of Italy, painting in a beautiful studio with the perfect-for-painting Mediterranean sunlight as a backdrop. I would tool around the galleries and eat gelatto and sip wine (not at the same time, obviously). I would hang out in vineyards and and go to the sea in my spare time...

Of course my life didn't turn out that way and I am not complaining. Above all things I wanted to be a mom and I have been blessed with that dream coming true (twice!). When I look at Paul's work I admit a part of me is filled with admiration and envy...I wonder if I could have ever been as good as he is? Accomplished as much as he has? But then I look deeper at his paintings and I somehow feel a bit sad for him. His paintings, while amazing, seem very lonely to me--or maybe that is just my way of rationalizing. When I search his bio I never see him mention a family and I have yet to see him smile in a photo or otherwise. So while I may always wonder "what coulda been" I am definitely content with what IS.

PS-if you are interested in seeing Paul's work go to www.paulbeel.com He really IS amazing)

A Note to Myself

Dear Me:
I know you have not been sleeping a lot lately and I am sorry about that. (But let's be realistic-aside from getting some toddler version of Ambien for Sawyer, sleep is more then likely going to be illusive for a while. Bummer). I also realize the holidays have been busy and the whole work situation has been a bit overwhelming lately and Boston training is also kicking into gear and you probably feel REALLY strapped for time...but consider this a friendly reminder that you are supposed to be working on your book. I've let you slide the past few months but play time is over. You need to buck up and get a move on. And unless someone miraculously discovers your stories/illustrations and wicked sarcastic streak while out on a run someday...it probably is NOT going to happen unless you get this book done.

I don't mean to nag--really and truly I don't. It's just that you made this promise to yourself and so far, you are sucking royally (no offense).

That's pretty much it. Try to stay awake and get some work done. You're slacking.
Love,
Me

Seriously...why won't he sleep?

Beanie is in another non-sleeping pattern and it is wiping us out. I cannot recall a night recently where he has slept through the night without flailing or wailing. Last night he woke up at 12:30 (I had gotten to bed at 11:00). Then he woke up again at 2:30 WIDE AWAKE. It is like he cannot get comfortable in his bed. I covered him up with his blanket both times and rubbed his back and told him (i.e. threatened him) that he needed to go back to sleep. I heard him again, WIDE AWAKE at 5:45 talking about "blue light!". He has been up ever since, as have I. Beanie wails so loudly that I know it also interferes with Liam's sleep. I don't know at what point I need to call in some sort of expert to either review his sleep patterns or at the very least give me some sort of sleep aid to take myself so at least one of us can sleep through the night.

Merry Christmas Eve

I am currently sitting by the Christmas tree watching Beanie bat at the bulbs (repeatedly) and fretting over the neighbor's blown over reindeer decoration. "mommy! Reindeer BOOM! Mommy! Reindeer bwoken?" When I say that he has been staring out the window fretting about the reindeer for AN HOUR I am not exaggerating-this is why I am now by the tree. I got tired of being drug over to the window every 30 seconds. Ken went out to shovel the drive and said he was going to go over and club the reindeer to put us out of our misery. When Beanie gets ahold of something (idea, toy, etc.) he does NOT LET GO. I suspect he is the child equivalent of a pit bull...

It is a beautiful day here, albeit very cold. The snow started falling Tuesday night and we now have about 6 inches. Just the right amount for Santa to make a landing. Liam has been tracking Santa on NORAD already. We are going to call them soon to get a status report on Santa's coordinates. We are going to finish frosting our cookies when Beanie takes a nap. We are having friends over for the annual Jenner Christmas Eve Fondue and Wine fest. It is always fun. I have been very stressed out about getting everything done in time for Christmas and Ken finally pointed out to me that I needed to cut myself some slack. I have been staying up late every night to try to get the Grandparent's gifts together and then up early every morning (because Beanie is suddenly waking up before 6am raring to go) and I am pooped. So that being said...I will NOT be getting the grandparent's gifts sent out before Christmas. I am about 98% done but they will not be mailed out until next week (realistically). So I apologize to everyone--there is a gift coming but it will be there next week. I tried my best but just couldn't get it pulled together. Once I realized this and let it go mentally I am much more relaxed. I got the boys their gifts late Tuesday night and wrapped them last night so we are good to go. Now we can just sit back (ha ha) and enjoy the day and not go out at all (except for maybe a run).

Merry Christmas everyone. Love and hugs to you all...

Your Daily Liam

It is snowing outside (definitely looking like a white Christmas).

Liam: Mommy you just LOVE snow, don't you?

Me: Uh....if you say so. I guess.

Liam: No mommy. I was being SARCASTIC. It's called "sarcasm"

Oy. Vay.

Star Potential

Yesterday was Liam's "dress rehearsal" for his Grandparent's Day Christmas Program (and by program we mean 10 minute variety show). Parents were allowed to come to the dress rehearsal to see the kids practice. I have included a few clips from the show. The kids were allowed to wear their PJs to school yesterday, just like the kids in the Polar Express (thus all the long johns and nightgowns you will see.)

I get the biggest kick out of watching these little ones perform. How Mrs. Jessen can get them all to learn their lines and the choreography is beyond me. I imagine it is a lot like herding cats.

Liam did a great job (as did all the kids). A parent stopped me after the program to tell me that she couldn't take her eyes off of Liam-she said he has the most amazing smile she has ever seen. We hear that a lot. His smile is infectious. Such joy!

I am also attaching a photo of the Bean just because he too, is so goshdurned adorable.

Enjoy the show! PS-Liam is center "stage" int he Spiderman PJs.

A Message From Our Sponsors...

Just a quick note to let everyone know that I am currently unable to access my email account. My email provider merged with another company and for some reason I cannot access email. I will let everyone know as soon as it is up and running. In the interim, drop me a note here or Facebook me. Or give me a ringy dingy on my cell.

Now back to our regular programing...

Commence Christmas

The frigid cold snap finally broke and the temps soared to 50. The boys & I were on an early morning mission to get Operation Christmas Commencement under way. We were out the door early and managed to get a few gifts, some decorations, a live tree and wreath purchased all before noon. Decorating the tree, however, was an all day affair. After removing Beanie multiple times from the decorations and cleaning up the bulbs he broke and then running out TWO separate times to buy more lights because TWO sets quit working...the tree was complete. It does look rather pretty and certainly smells nice--but I couldn't help but think while putting it together that I am counting down the days until I will be packing it all up in two weeks. I still am trying to psyche myself into some sort of Holiday Cheer but am not really there. I am putting forth all my Holiday effort for the boys. I'm trying to build special memories and traditions but I've gotta be honest--I am already looking forward to December 26. I think it is because I feel SO overwhelmed as it is, then you add the Christmas expectations:shopping, decorating, cookies! and it just makes me want to fast forward. BUT-these boys deserve a cheery, festive, sugar and gift laden Christmas and that is what they are going to get. Liam was already asking me tonight when we are going to start baking cookies...I told him I needed to recover from today, first.

Hazard Pay

This is what I had to do today at work. Climb up on a tall table to paint an emergency "we're moving" sign. And now they want to post it on the company Facebook page. Where everyone can comment "wow-what's that rickety old lady doing up on that table? Isn't that dangerous?!" People are NOT nice on those pages...I can't wait.

I think I deserve some sort of hazard pay--at the very least for being on the company Facebook page.

Still Cold

I just checked the temp. It is up to 1 degree. The airport recorded -17 last night which was a record. The sun is shining however and it looks really beautiful. I am about to dress myself from head to toe in fleece and thermals to go out for a run. There does not appear to be any wind at this point...which is a blessing. I ran on Monday and it was MUCH warmer--7 degrees. Yesterday I wimped out and went to the gym but it is just not the same thing as a good run outside. Not even close.

This is no joke!

That is what Ken said when he went outside yesterday morning--the temps here are FRIGID. This is the coldest and longest weather snap that I recall experiencing in quite sometime. It will be one week of below temp cold on Wednesday. TOday the high was near 12 (not sure it ever made it up that high). The next day that it will be normal temps (40s+) will be Saturday. Ugh. It is so miserably cold that I have lacked motivation to do anything other then stay wrapped in warm blankets-clothes. Taking a shower in the morning is a true test of grit-how fast can I get in and out and clothed before hypothermia sets in... I went for a run at lunch today (even though it is frigid-I still have to make myself get in the miles. WHY I decided to do Boston again is beyond me...). THe temp was a balmy 7 degrees at noon when I ran. It was actually quite beautiful at lunch-sunny and snowy. It was so cold that the snow looked like crystals on all of the trees. The plus side about the temps being this cold is that no one goes out--so I get the running routes mostly to myself. :-)

Because it has been so cold I did not want to take the boys out this weekend. So we didn't get our Christmas tree or put up decorations or start the shopping. I just could not bring myself to venture from the cocoon of warmth. Poor Liam sat at his art table tonight doing his homework draped in blankets. When he came into my room he said "Mommy it is too cold in here! Let's leave. NOW!" He is right--it IS really cold in here. Ken put some towels and other things on the windows to try and absorb some of the draft in the old windows. The boys rooms are really bad. Beanie *refuses* to use a blankie and gets mad if I put one on him. I sneak in after he falls asleep and I cover him up. He has been waking up numerous* times every night since this cold spell descended on us. I am not sure if it is because he is cold, not feeling 100% or a combination thereof--either way it has been rough. He wakes me up every two hours. Sad to say but I think I am so used to it now that it hardly fazes me anymore.

Right now I am huddled on my bed trying to type and stay warm at the same time. Tomorrow they are calling for another 4 to 7 inches of snow on top of what fell this weekend. It definitely is beginning to look a lot like Christmas--at least on the outside.

Your Daily Liam

I sat down for a few minutes to watch "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" with the boys this morning. Mickey came on the screen and said "Hey kids! Today is our Friendship Day Party and you're all invited!"

Me: "Wow boys, that sure sounds fun. Can I come too?"

Liam: "NO Mommy. *YOU'RE* not invited!"

Me: (in a sad voice) "Well that is not very nice. Why can't I come?"

Liam: (exasperated) "BECAUSE Mommy, Mickey doesn't know you like he knows us."

***************

Man. I never get invited to the cool parties.

A heartfelt song

Here is a longish video of Liam singing his original song "A Gift from Your Heart." Both vocals and instrumentation are of his own creation.

LMNO PEEEEE!!!

Beanie singing part of his alphabet this morning. Notice his enthusiasm for the letter "P"...

A night out with the ladies

On Friday night I had a date with a bunch of girlfriends to go see one of my really good friends perform in a benefit Drag show. I had never been to one before and had only seen my friend perform in his work cubicle. I was not prepared for how totally AMAZING the show was and how great these guys are. I had about as much fun as I have had in a long, long time. I know some people are uncomfortable with the concept of men dressing in drag and/or being gay but I of course do not share that sentiment. I see people for who they are and not their sexual orientation or what they like to do for entertainment. My friend is an amazing person, designer, father and friend. I shouldn't have been surprised that he would excel in performing on stage. He rocks. Here are a few pictures of me and my friends. My good friend is the tall bleach blonde. The other drag queen with the sandy blonde hair was a super performer who we fell in love with. He was really sweet and told me he has been doing this since he was 16 (his mother and grandmother and aunt were in the audience as well). He is graduating from CU in a few weeks and starting Law School in January. Good guys and good fun and all the money went to a good cause.

The Conundrum of Thanksgiving

I have never been a big Thanksgiving fan. Ever. I remember as a child being moderately excited about the holiday because it meant my aunts & uncles would come to stay with us for 5 days. However as time went by and those same relatives started to pass away (inevitably & ironically around Thanksgiving) I began to see it differently. I saw how much work it was on my mother--who worked her fingers to the bone preparing for the event by cleaning and cooking until the wee hours of the night. Add to that those 5 days of meal preparations and clean up for everyone and you had a very exhausting week of entertaining & servitude. Martha Stewart I am not.

As years went by and I moved across the country, I sort of just molded into random Thanksgiving plans. Depending on the boyfriend and/or spouse sometimes I cooked. Sometimes we went out to eat and sometimes we ended up at friends. The only static "tradition" is that I go for a run--but hell, I do that everyday anyway. Now that I am married to a chef--we still kind of bounce around, but now HE does the cooking pretty much wherever we go. He enjoys this and I enjoy that he enjoys this. I will contribute a pie--(hey, I'm not THAT selfish).

The other reason I dislike Thanksgiving is because I don't really understand the rationale of a nation gorging themselves sick all in the name of "being thankful." It has always been my belief that if we were TRULY thankful for the food/shelter we have, we would all go without it for a day to remind ourselves of how thankful we are. Nothing proves how much you need and appreciate something until it is gone. I guarantee if we all had to camp outside on a cold November night with an empty belly we would appreciate our homes (be they meager or grandiose) and our pantries a whole lot more.

All that being said, I wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving. I will go for a nice run in the morning and then surround myself with my greatest and most treasured blessings; my family. I wish for you all the same.

The best intentions...

THis weekend was quite busy--nothing exciting or even remotely fun, but busy. I always set out on the weekends with a plan to get as much done in as little time as possible. What I always manage to forget, however, is that there are only so many hours in the day and so much energy to cram it all in. Plus, factor in the two pint-sized "helpers" and you've got yourself a major energy drain. Case in point: this weekend was operation Toy Donation, or as Liam fondly likes to tell people, "Selling our toys to the poor kids." On saturday I had it all figured out--I would get up, get dressed and take the boys with me to go grocery shopping while Ken worked. Then, we 'd come home, pack up the toys and go and grab a smoothie afterwards. We'd have a nice lunch and then I would go and get my hair done and come home relaxed and feeling better about my appearance.

What really happened: I chased the boys around the house all morning, namely one VERY cantankerous two year old, then I drug them to the grocery store where the cantankerous one refused to sit in the cart, and refused to not throw a fit about sitting in said cart. After wrestling boys and groceries into the house I realized we were behind schedule. This set "Operation Toy Donation" into a frenzied overdrive. We went upstairs and began the toy evaluation; anything not played with was donated. Anything that was a baby toy was donated. Anything that makes migraine-inducing obnoxious noise-donated. Beanie's room was first. Every time a toy was put into the bag, he would remove it. Any time a toy with 6 millions pieces was revealed...he would dump it out. Repeat the drill in Liam's room. A toy was unearthed and Sawyer would pounce on it, then dismantle it. Repeat. To make a long story short the entire toy donation project took MUCH longer and was more exhausting then originally anticipated. We ended up with 5 bags of stuff that we schlepped out to the car and it was way past lunch. I was at my wit's end by the time everything was loaded, which is when Liam chirped in "Hey after we sell the toys to the poor kids, can we still go to the coffee shop to get a smoothie??" I looked at him and said "Don't push it." Liam, being ever the crafty one later asked me after we unloaded the toys to the donation center "Hey Mommy! Wouldn't you like a nice coffee right now??!" I think he has a future in advertising...

Ridiculous

I have admittedly been out of touch with "the outside world" the past week. Between work and boys and fighting off a cold I have little energy to watch much tv or read the news. Tonight I actually sat down to do nothing but vegetate for an hour and watch some tv. A story came on the news about the new Government Health Panel recommendation that women now start getting mammograms at age 50 as opposed to the previously recommended 40, and how there is now fear that Health Insurance companies are going to start refusing to pay for screenings before the age of 50. This news appalled me! How many women will now opt out of screenings because they cannot afford them? And they aren't cheap! I know this because I got a nice little bill in the mail this week for the portion that my insurance will NOT pay for an annual screening. Unfortunately last week I had to go back in for some follow up mammograms because of an "asymmetric abnormality" and after 7, yes, SEVEN more scans they finally got the results they needed to see. A sigh of relief that all was ok--but I couldn't help but think when the radiologist reviewed the scans with me just how much are these additional scans going to cost me?? I almost guarantee that my insurance will not cover them, even though I am in the "high risk" category due to family history. Again, I feel this new recommendation is a giant step backward and I sincerely hope and pray this panel recommendation isn't being influenced by the National Healthcare reform. ("Hey, now that WE'RE picking up the tab for healthcare we're starting to think that maybe you don't REALLY need all those tests, do you?!").

A reporter on the news said that one local Imagine Center counts over 25% of women under the age of 50 who get breast cancer. Twenty-five percent!! That is a 1/4 of their patients who would NOT have known they had cancer had they not went in for screenings. My own mom was in her 40's when she was diagnosed and another woman I know here was diagnosed at age 36!! I hope that enough women and healthcare providers raise a fuss over this new "recommendation". I know I will.

Brick

There is a Ben Folds Five song from a few years back whose words keep bouncing around in my head. It's actually a very sad song about a young couple who have to make a difficult choice. The refrain is "She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly...". That is how I feel today. Only the brick is not a loved one but rather my job, which I can assure you I do NOT love. As the hours went on today and the work piled up and over my head and deadlines flew in and then flew by me I could feel my stress level rising in direct proportion to my blood pressure. The words kept filling in my head "This place is a brick and I'm drowning slowly!" I feel like I am doing all that I can to keep my nose above water and there is no end in sight. The brick strapped to my ankle is pulling me down no matter how fast I try and tread water. I am giving it a few weeks and pray that the stress/workload settles down once we regain some semblance of routine or until I quit and find a new job or end up in the nearest psychiatric facility. Whichever comes first.

"DisneyPixarsUp"

I bought Liam and Sawyer (but not really Sawyer because Sawyer can't sit still for more then 30 seconds at a time) the newest Pixar movie, "UP". I saw it at the grocery store and decided to throw it in the cart because I wanted to see it probably as much as Liam did. Liam looked at the cover and said immediately "DISNEYPIXARSUP!" as if it were all one word, as opposed to "Disney Pixar's "UP". We put the movie in after Sawyer went to take a very short nap and about 20 minutes into it Liam announces "I'm not all that impressed with this movie." He jumps up, saunters over to the TV and turns it off and walks away.

Of course *I* still wanted to watch the movie, so I flipped the TV back on and continued to watch it. Liam regained interest and told me at the end of the movie that he "had changed his mind" and that it was "a very god movie after all." In fact, he wanted to watch it again today but we decided due to some flagrant listening violations, there would be movie. We had close to 9 inches of snow last night and if there was ever a justifiable reason to let the children watch a lot of tv it is today... Whenever we get lots of snow and muck the days seem REALLY long. Liam must agree because he just asked me disgustedly "when is this day going to be over with already?!"

The (Other) Boston Curse

My official 2010 Boston Marathon acceptance letter was emailed to me this week. Let the looking-over-my-shoulder neurosis commence. I have a love/hate relationship with the Boston Marathon. For the marathon running set, the Boston marathon is the "Holy Grail" for the weekend warrior. Aside form its long history, the Boston marathon is one of the few marathons in this country that actually require you to run a specific qualifying time in order to participate. I've been fortunate to qualify 5 times for Boston and yet, I have only made it to the starting line one time. There is just something about this race that nearly does me in every year. Indulge me whilst I saunter down memory lane...

The first time I qualified for Boston was back in 2000-after I ran my second marathon (Philadelphia). I was so thrilled to have made the qualifying time (3:40) that I enthusiastically registered for Boston two days after my qualifying race. This, of course, was before I became familiar with my own "Boston Curse." I happily registered in November for the April race, bought my ticket and registered for a hotel only to end up with a very severe stress fracture in my tibia (almost a total break) a month out from the race. Bye Bye Boston 2001.

So the following year I re-qualified and re-entered for Boston, (this time a little more cautiously) and again bought my tickets. Things were looking good and I made it through the training series and was into my three week taper when disaster struck. Actually it was a Lexus that struck-from behind with a guy on a cell phone at the wheel. I was taken to the hospital and was told that there was NO way I'd be running my marathon in three weeks, and more than likely be out of running for at least 6 weeks while I spent my days in Physical Therapy. Bye Bye Boston 2002.

Enter Year three...I again requalified with my fastest time to date, but this time, I was more then a little superstitious about entering too early. I literally registered the latest I could and bought my airline ticket and made hotel reservations at the last possible moment. I was gun shy. I was nervous. I was tired of getting my heart broken. That year the winter was hard and cruel. My brother-in-law was killed in a car accident and I was determined that I would run my race for him. Then as fate would have it, one day before I was to get on a plane for Boston I started getting sick. Not just a sniffles and sore throat kind of sick but a full-body flu and fever kind of sick. I flew anyway but I felt miserable. My entire Boston experience was spent searching for medication and just praying I could run the race and not end up in the ER. On race day I felt pretty bad--I had a fever, I couldn't stop coughing and my head felt like it could spontaneously rupture and expel brain matter all over the fine citizens of Boston. But I didn't invest all that time to roll over and go back to sleep-so up I went and ran the race. I would love to tell you that after three years of bad luck my race day experience was Disney-esque but I can't. Honestly, it was pretty dreadful. On more then one occasion I had people tell me to pull out and stop running but clearly, they don't know me very well. I finished the race and it is still to this date, my all time worst marathon time and running experience. I honestly don't remember that race--THAT is how sick I was.

SO...this year I got the illusive "BQ" quite by accident. I didn't set out to go back to Boston. I actually kind of dread it to tell the truth. But after running a pretty decent fall marathon and having my friends coerce me into giving Boston another try I went and registered. Against my best judgement and any remnant of common sense I still may have I once again sent the B.A.A. my money. Today as I went out to run my 10 miler in over 8 inches of snow and muck I am once again reminded why I really dread Boston. If you can survive training in an uncertain winter and continuously fluxuating weather and not get injured, rear-ended or sick then you just might make it to Boston.

One can hope anyway.

One of THOSE days

I should have known when Sawyer woke up two hours earlier then normal that it was going to be "one of those days." He has actually been getting up earlier and earlier everyday despite going to bed the same time. The crazy thing is that he seems well rested at 5:00am when he starts calling "Mom-MEEE! MOMMEEEEE!" I have to admit, as much as it pains me to get up that early I have enjoyed my one on one time with him early in the morning when we sit in his rocking chair and snuggle.

I am not going to go into detail because I don't feel like sharing it all but suffice it to say today was one significantly stressful thing after another. And to top it ALL off, my friends and coworkers got let go from work today. I am still shocked by this news. I thought if they were going to let people go we would all go as a unit. Not so. Now the two people I loved the most at work (my boss and my fellow designer) are gone and the workload shifts to me. I suppose I should be thankful I still have a job but I can't get there yet. I am too sad for my friends. I know they will bounce back and land in better places then they were before (because I truly believe things happen for a reason), but selfishly I know how much I am going to miss them. I am not prepared enough mentally to start thinking about the ramifications today will bring.

Your Daily Liam

In the car...

Liam: "I think I'm going to start writing with my left hand."

Me: "Yeah? Why is that?"

Liam: "Just to give my other hand a break."

Beanie Turns Two!!!

(note: Click on photos to enlarge!)

My littlest sweetheart turned two today!! Here are a few pics from the post-gift frenzy. There is also one of Liam enjoying a "Big Brother" gift. We had pretty nice weather all weekend-so the boys got to play outside a fair amount. Today seemed especially LONG--I think on some level Sawyer knows he is two and thinks that he no longer needs to take naps. He wailed in his crib for over an hour and then when he DID sleep, he only slept for 50 minutes. He also was up a lot last night fussing and unable to sleep. I think a lot of it has to do with his molars coming in. Liam, on the other hand has been extra hungry and extra tired all day. He went upstairs for a time out and ended up falling asleep before dinner. I think if we would have left him sleep, he would have been happy to stay in bed for the rest of the night. I am right there with him. I think the past week I have been fighting off some sort of bug because I am just exceptionally exhausted. I ran 8 this morning and all I wanted to do was sleep.

Overall I think Beanie had a nice day--it was very low key. He enjoyed his cake and even managed to blow out one candle (with the help of his brother). The cake was covered in berries and for the longest time, he wasn't even aware that it was CAKE under the berries. He had to be cajoled by us to even try the cake but when he did...game over. "MORE?! MORE?!!!" he asked repeatedly. He also caught on pretty quickly that presents mean STUFF and he seemed to really enjoy that concept.

Frazzled

Tonight I am once again feeling frazzled and unable to get everything done that needs to be done. The house is a mess, groceries need purchased and I am behind at work. There are never enough hours in the day. I promised myself a few months ago I would devote the evenings to writing my story and/or drawing and as of late, that is just not happening. By the time the kids are fed and in bed and laundry is done and dishes are washed I am just plain tired and unmotivated. All I want to do is do something mindless and then go to bed. I am fairly certain Ken feels the same way. Actually I am fairly certain most working parents of young children feel this way. I think/hope it will get better.

Or maybe I just need to lower my expectations.

As promised...pictures of the little devils on Halloween

Brace Yourselves

Every time we have visitors we always brace ourselves for a rough re-entry for the boys into reality. Typically they have been spoiled with gifts, doted on and fed shameful amounts of sugar in the course of the average visit. Add to that a special day like Halloween and the wacked-out time change, and you've got yourself a recipe for disaster. The boys were definitely not their best today. Not. At. All. By the time I got home from work both boys had melted down into a blubbery, whiney mess. I am quite sure that if you took a sample of their genetics at this time it would be composed primarily of sugar. From the time I got home until I put them to bed (EARLY, mind you) each boy did a fair amount of time in Time Out. Infractions are as follows: Running around the kitchen stove while Mommy was trying to cook dinner, refusing to shut the freezer/and/or refrigerator door after being told 100 times the contrary, throwing a fit because you cannot grab a sharp knife off of the counter and/or take possession of the colander, squeezing an entire bottle of bath water onto Mommy's leg after being warned NOT to do so then refusing to get out of the tub, and lastly, kicking/biting/pinching/pulling of hair of a sibling or pet or Mommy.

I am tired. I am deflated. I am ready to go hibernate. I told this to Liam after we had a nice chat about his behavior and he said "Well I don't think sleeping for a season is a good idea, do you?!" and I said, "well, sometimes like today it seems like a GREAT idea". he asked me why and I told him "Because today was a bad day." Liam said "Somedays are like that Mommy."

Indeed, somedays are like that.

Operation Candy Coma Successful

It was a gorgeous day here today. The snow has mostly melted even though we had over two feet two days ago. That is the wonderful thing about Colorado--massive snowfall is followed by massive sunshine and massive melting. I went for a ten mile run in shorts and a tank top and I was actually too warm. The majority of the path was clear but the further west I ventured, the more post-hole-ing I had to do--which was actually quite fun.

Liam awoke at a decent hour and for the second day in a row, emerged from his room dressed in his Astronaut costume. To say he loves that flight suit is an understatement. He has barely taken it off in the past two day and that was only at my urging that I needed to wash it. Remember Liam, "Clean costumes get more candy." Grandma and Grandpa are visiting from California and they surprised Liam with space helmet to complete the look. The child was over-the-moon happy. Sawyer went as an adorable tiger and was initially a little confused as to what was happening but by the end he was knocking on the door right there beside his big brother and grabbing candy with the best of them. When we asked Liam what his favorite part of the day was, he said "Right now. Eating candy."

Both boys had a great day. Pictures to come.

White Halloween

Well it is day two of the Fall snowstorm (22 inches here) and I am already more than over it. I am just NOT a winter person. It is really beautiful at first, and then I find myself getting sad because I miss seeing colors outside.I miss the ease of warmer temps. Winter snowstorms always sound good at first: hot cocoa, snuggling inside with your loved ones, playing in the snow...but in reality it is more like spending (literally) 20 minutes getting boys dressed in snow gear (why won't those damn boots ever go on easily?!) only to have them go outside, touch the snow and come back in less than a minute later then peeling the cocoa-induced, cagey boys off of one another once the sugar kicks in.

Hello Mother Nature? I know everyone is saying it is going to be a hard, long winter but could you do me a favor and divert all of our snow up to the ski areas? It will make my husband happy and myself happy. Everyone wins. Thank you.

In case you were wondering...

YES. We did get snow and it is still coming down hard. The drive into work this morning was rough-- they ended up closing down our office so we could "work from home" (which for any parent with young kids means, "work when the kids go to bed at night because you sure can't do it when they are awake"). The roads are actually not too bad right now--but once the temperature drops tonight things will get messy. The snow is supposed to go until tomorrow afternoon--then clear up for the weekend. But I think we will probably have a white Halloween this year.

Snow?!

We are under a winter storm warning for the metro area. We could possibly get up to 18" of snow if the storm tracks a certain way. If it (hopefully) tracks the other way we will get only 8" of snow. It is supposed to begin tonight and continue until Thursday night. I am not looking forward to this much snow this early in the year. :-(

He's My Brother

Lately I have been noticing a change in the boys. Liam is morphing into a true "big boy", complete with fart and poop humor, increased roughhousing and at times a sudden mouthiness that I could do without. Beanie is also changing--he is turning into a real boy--gone is the little baby-ness and in its place a rough and tumble kid who shows a propensity towards all things physical and a great sense of humor. I also see the boys suddenly doing more things together--whether that be enjoying (laughing hysterically) a tooting babies video on YouTube or fighting over the same toy. They are definitely more of a dynamic duo as of late.

Sawyer has started this thing where he will grab your hand and lead you, quite literally, all around the house and yard. He will do this ALL day if you let him. I now see him doing it with Liam--grabbing his big brother's hand and taking him to the window to show him the neighbor's Halloween lights or taking him upstairs to show him a toy. I also notice Liam helping him more--and Sawyer allowing him to do so. Last night it made me smile to see Liam taking off Sawyer's socks for him and then putting on a new pair of Liam's "pirate" socks. "Just sit here Beanie and I'll put these on for you..."

Of course the sweet scenes are more often then not replaced by them screaming at each other over some perceived infraction. Liam takes something out of Sawyer's hands or vice versa. But it is those sweet scenes where they are holding each other's hands or helping each other out that I will choose to remember. I know that as time goes on they will fight more, co-conspire more, and hopefully in the end...trust and love more.

Crossing fingers...

Yesterday was a really beautiful day here--near 85. Not exactly great marathon weather (too hot!) but definitely great hanging out on a Sunday afternoon weather. I ran my marathon in the morning and came home and relaxed for a bit before going out to dinner with Ken. (Oh--the marathon went fairly well considering I had just run one two weeks earlier! I did about how I expected and managed to only have to stop to use the restrooms twice!) Ken & I went out to a really nice dinner in Boulder and had some good food and wine. Unfortunately a few hours later Ken came down with some sort of bug--he is thinking food poisoning and I trust his educated judgement. It was probably NOT where we ate dinner--since I ate the same things. (I didn't know it but food poisoning is rarely from the thing you last ate--but can be from something even eaten 48 hrs earlier). He is feeling better tonight--just very tired. We are hoping it was food poisoning. Tonight Liam decided he wanted to go to bed early (uh oh) and is constantly thirsty. Ken said that is how his started--being really thirsty. I am hoping it is just coincidence.

Crossing fingers we have a peaceful night...

Back to Backs

I officially registered to run the Denver Marathon on Sunday. Why? I am not sure exactly. I guess mostly because it is there and I hate to not be part of the action. Last year I did two back to back marathons and I lived to tell the tale. I went into Denver hoping for a good time but ended up with GI issues (should have known way back then something was up). This year's race is PURELY for fun (and yes, I actually do think running 26.2 miles is fun. Mostly.). I am using it as an experiment for Boston--I am going to really, REALLY focus on hydrating and not getting sick. Oh, I forgot to mention that I had a doctor's appointment this week and it turns out I have Ischaemic Collitis (don't look it up--really). It is not uncommon in endurance athletes and actually a good friend of mine has it. (After my incident at St. George I called him up and he said it sounded like what happened to him)--basically during extreme events the body shunts blood away from the colon. This condition is made worse by dehydration and having low blood pressure. SO long story short, my GI guy says it is ok to run on Sunday--I just have to hydrate like a fool and stop and walk at the first sign of gut trouble. Actually, I now have to drink 64 oz of water (at the least) every single day. He said he will be curious to see if the collitis rears its head again on sunday even if I hydrate--so consider Denver a testing platform. I'm also being tested for celiac--which would surprise me if I had it. I think they just test to rule it out. But it would be nice to know why I feel miserable nearly every time I eat!

Oh, Sunday is also our anniversary! Ken & I already have a dinner date planned so no matter how the marathon morning goes, I know a nice night is in store!

Old McDonald's

Today was a big day for Liam. It was "Limo to Lunch" day--a reward he won for selling at least 15 orders of frozen cookie dough for his school fundraiser. All of the kids who sold at least 15 units got to take a limo to McDonalds for lunch. THis was a HUGE deal for Liam--since he is in afternoon kidergarten he eats lunch at home everyday...so for him to get to go to school early and eat with friends was definitely the highlight of his day/week. Liam has also never been to McDonalds...(Ken & I are not big fast food fans) so when he found out he was going to "Old McDonald's" he was giddy. He woke up early and didn't want much breakfast--he wanted to make sure he "had enough room" for Old McDonalds...

It was also parent/teacher conference day with Mrs. Jessen. I have to admit I was a little nervous--after the preschool conference last Spring which left me in tears I was worried that we would get another less then glowing report. It turns out I had nothing to worry about. Mrs. Jessen had only great things to say about Liam--he is *VERY* enthusiastic and energetic, always happy, plays well with everyone, cares about other's feelings, listens and follows instruction (this is the one I worried about), and is very observant and creative. The only negatives were that he tends to talk A LOT. She said that while he talks a lot, he does listen. She said it is just that he is SO excited and enthusiastic about everything he can't wait to tell her more. She also surprised us by saying that he needs to stand his ground more--he is always willing to "be the nice guy" and let someone else play with the thing he wanted to play with or act out the character he wanted to act out. She said it is a nice quality, but that in the future it could be a problem (peer pressure, etc.). So overall-a good report. She said "he is a keeper!". I couldn't agree more. :-)

Alan Culpepper!!!

Today I had the luck/fortune to meet the one and only US Olympian and top US distance runner Alan Culpepper. As you can see by the picture I was just a little bit excited to meet him. He is actually a genuinely nice and humble guy and he does a lot for the local running community. He and his wife Shayne (also a kick butt runner) have three little boys. Very cool.

Why won't he sleep?????!!!

We are going on week two of Sawyer's sleep disturbances. Every night at approximately 10:30/11:00 he awakes and cannot get himself back to sleep and he is stubborn and strong-willed enough that he can outlast us all with his loud wailing. He will thrash and yell and cry "MAMA!!" at the top of his very loud lungs. He does this repeatedly (about every half hour) until 2:30 or so. I have done research and I know it is not night terrors (although he does thrash around--but he is very much lucid and calms down the minute I come in). He used to be such a great sleeper. After enduring Liam's initial first three months of colic and then later his horrendous sleep pattern (which I blame myself for) for two years, I promised myself that with Sawyer I would do everything by the book. By 6 weeks I was putting him down in his crib awake and he became a sleeping pro. We have no problem GOING to sleep--he is more often than not happy to be in his bed and goes to sleep a chipper fellow. However when he wakes...he is a loud and angry banshee baby. He says "Mama! Rock??? ROCK????" He wants me to rock with him--which I would do but only for a little bit. I would tell him-"we can rock, but only for a few minutes then you have to go back to sleep like a big boy". I do this and he yells and thrashes around the minute I lay him down. He settles himself down and then we repeat the drill a half hour to an hour later. Last night I decided there will be no more rocking. I just go in, tell him to GO TO SLEEP! and then shut the door and listen to him wail a bit and then repeat the drill a half hour to an hour later. It is EXHAUSTING for everyone. No one is getting a good night's sleep and the less collective sleep we get the crankier we all become. Today I found myself coloring a rather ominous looking T-Rex with Sawyer and I told him if he didn't start sleeping at night Mr. Sharp Toothed T-Rex would eat him. Actually based on my current rate of exhaustion, if he doesn't start sleeping at night *I* might eat him.

Post Marathon

I am finally back amongst the living (mostly). I got back early Sunday evening after a very fun (mostly), very exhausting (definitely) weekend with some wonderful friends. I always forget how much I love and miss these people until I spend a weekend with them. I have always said that runners are some of the best people I know and it is still true. On friday I met up with my friends (some of whom I have not seen in over 6 years) and we made the 4 hour drive to St. George. We were all remembering good times and not so good times. We have all, in one way or another, been through some really life-altering events since we last saw each other. It just reaffirms that we have a lot more then just running cementing our friendships.

The marathon itself went fairly well. We awoke at 4:00 am on Saturday morning. Almost all of us were not up to our sparkly best: My friend Victor had been very sick the day before (fever, chills) and was questionable whether or not he would even start. Neal had injured his back two weeks before and decided not to race (smart move--that course would have ruined him), Kil had broke his foot earlier in the summer and had not had a long run past 14 miles, Becky had fallen ill with some respiratory gunk earlier in the week and me, well, I was operating on about 12 hours total sleep for the week. Not exactly prime racing material.

Neal drove us to the start line at 4:45 and dropped us off to catch the bus which shuttled runners to the start. The bus quite literally drives you 26.2 miles over rolling hills and drops you off in the middle of nowhere. It was about 38 degrees at the start and near 78 by the time most people finished. The course was very scenic, albeit very isolated, and very well organized. The course proved to be very fast--but you paid for it. The downhill portions really take their toll on your body. I have never run a race where I saw so many people holding their lower backs. Surprisingly, with all my back problems and injury history I suffered very little damage. During the race I most definitely felt my back making its presence known but afterwards--not too much. Unfortunately the only thing that really went poorly was my stomach/GI tract. Ever since I had Sawyer I have had trouble going more then a few miles without having to stop and pee--so to combat that I tend to drink less than I should (and I never drank a lot to begin with). Combine the lack of drinking/eating on the course with the heat and exertion and you have the perfect recipe for some nasty dehydration and GI drama. About 5 miles out I started to suffer and had to stop at a porta potty. Then 2 miles out the nausea hit and hit hard.

I had purposefully went into this race not expecting anything--so as the race went on I realized I was running at a faster pace then expected. I told myself that I would reevaluate at mile 20--if I had a shot at a BQ (Boston Qualifying time a.k.a. the Holy Grail for runners) then I would really focus and give it a go. By mile 20 I indeed had a good time but still did not feel ready to commit to racing the last 6.2. I told myself that I would wait until mile 22 to decide. Then I decided to wait until mile 24 to decide. Then with the nausea and GI kicking in full force I decided to wait until mile 25. By this point I felt REALLy nauseated--but I knew that based on my pace I not only was going to get the BQ for my age division (a 3:45) but I had a shot at getting the BQ qualifying time for the youngest women's age division (3:40). I dug in the last mile and fought off vomiting. I could not have moved any faster--I was done. i crossed the finish line at 3:41.58. I felt very pleased with the time considering all the times I had to stop.

I still felt pretty bad after we got back from the race. Luckily my friend Joi is smart and prepared. She gave me a potassium/sodium tablet and that helped alleviate a lot of the nausea and cramping. I was finally able to eat a few hours later and all was well with the world once again. And my friends? Well, Victor dug deep (sick and all) and finished a minute ahead of me. Kil pulled out at mile 16--he felt it would do more damage to continue then to play it smart. His girlfriend Joi went on to have a 10 minute PR and finally broke the 4 hour barrier. Becky pulled out at mile 16 feeling miserable. It turns out that she has bronchitis AND a sinus infection--her doctor was surprised she even started the race to begin with.

All in all a good weekend.

Off to do 26.2

I am typing this rather late--trying to get ready for St. George. My flight leaves early in the morning and I know that I won't be able to think straight then. I *hopefully* have everything that I need packed. I am flying into Salt Lake City where it is suddenly cold (40's) and then driving 5 hours to where it has been near 100 (currently in the 80's). It's hard to try to "pack light" when the temps/weather span all 4 seasons.

Last night Beanie had a miserable night--I was literally up with him every 1 to 2 hours. I think I slept a 3 to 4 hours cumulatively. I am pooped. I hope and pray that he sleeps tonight but that is already looking doubtful--he woke up an hour and a half after I put him to bed and he was miserable. Horrible cough and congestion. I hooked up the humidifyer and am hoping that it helps. If I don't get rest tonight I can pretty much guarantee a miserable race day on Saturday. It is actually not the night before a marathon you need the most rest--it is two nights. So that being said...I need to try and rest ASAP.

Be back on Sunday afternoon...Wish us all luck.

Sickness

Sawyer woke up this morning with a raging fever. He didn't sleep that well last night and now I know why. Liam came home from school complaining of a headache and neither child ate any dinner. I am popping Airborne like an addict in hopes that I can dodge the bullet but right now based on how I feel-I am losing hope. I am going to *try* once again to get some sleep tonight and hope that the boys and my own restless body will allow this to happen. Thankfully Ken returns later tonight and his mom arrives tomorrow. HOORAY for reinforcements!

Must. Sleep. Now...

Yick

I was awake quite literally the majority of the night last night. For some reason I could not get comfortable and every time I turned over I had a new and different ache. I am not sure if this is taper madness, fighting off the bug or deciding at 7:oo pm last night to steam clean the carpets . Maybe a combination thereof? Either way, I was awake and uncomfortable. For some reason the best sleep I get is directly proportionate to the time I have to wake up...last night, I slept GREAT from 4:45 until 5:45--which is when Beanie woke me up chattering away, WIDE AWAKE. Luckily he was in quite a chipper mood even though he woke up nearly 2 hours earlier then normal and with a suspected fever to boot. He has a cough starting and lots of yick coming from his nose. Sammy is still not 100% and Emily had a rough weekend as well. I am hoping, hoping hoping that the boys don't get the full brunt of it and that the Airborne I have been chugging keeps me healthy. This would not be the best time for a respiratory affliction, thankyouverymuch.

An Outing with Two Boys

Ken is traveling for work again, so the boys and I are hanging out. Per Liam's request, we decided to pack a picnic lunch and head to the park. It is GORGEOUS weather--sunny, blue skies and a nice breeze. Liam asked if we could attempt to fly the kites they got for Easter (finally) and I couldn't come up with an excuse why we couldn't. So we packed up and headed to an open space to have lunch and try our maiden kite flights. In case you have never had the privilege of going into a park like setting with the boys, let me explain the "highlights" of such an outing.

After wrestling to get Beanie in his car seat we drive to the park, find a picnic table under the tree and sit down to have lunch. Liam manages to drop half of his sandwich within the first 2 minutes, while simultaneously laying the other half on the dirty-laden picnic table top. Sawyer manages to find a filthy plastic spoon and proceeds to try to put it in his mouth "Poon! Poon!!" Sawyer drops his juice cup in the dirt. Repeat. Liam decides that he suddenly has to poop so we pack up all of our food/cups/kites and hats and walk half way across the park to the one porta-potty. After a stern warning TO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING!" I lay about 50 pieces of toilet paper on the toilet seat and place Liam on top of it, where he decides that no, he really just has to pee. Meanwhile, Sawyer is opening and shutting the door repeatedly and then he quietly disappears (ALWAYS a bad sign) So I get Liam up to let him pee then go out to chase Sawyer down from the rock pile he was scaling. I bring Sawyer back to the potty and open it to see Liam (it still makes me queasy to think about) sitting DIRECTLY on the porta potty toilet seat with his hands clasping the seat for dear life. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!!" I yell! "Going POOPY!!!" Liam indignantly yells back. I am forced to then shut the door and lock it to keep Sawyer from escaping while I assist Liam, all the while muttering like a Tourettes patient. There was thankfully Hand Sanitizer which I applied liberally to both boys.

After all the porta-potty fun Liam asks woefully, "Well can we still go fly kites??" I answer "Yes, of course (even though I just wanted to pack it in and call it a day)." I assemble the kites and realize that Liam's kite does not have the kite-string-included! kite string. So I open up Sawyer's kite and borrow the string from it. Liam took off running trying to get the kite airborne while Sawyer went in the total opposite direction to explore a discarded water bottle. The kite never made it off the ground, so I collected Sawyer (who by this point was emptying the contents of the picnic bag all over the grass) and took off running. Liam excitedly yells "You're doing it!" and I feel the kite almost take flight...and then I feel it suddenly get light. I turn back around and see a HUGELY grinning Beanie holding the kite's tail in his hands. Operation Kite Flight: FAIL.

In order to salvage some of the trip I grabbed up all of our stuff and took the boys over to the playground where they played until I was exhausted. Somehow, running 20+ miles never exhausts me as much as an outing with my children can. When it is all said and done and we are back home and Beanie is contained I am grateful for the time spent together. Just maybe NOT the porta potty part...

Bring on the Weekend

It has been a long week. So long, in fact, that I can hardly remember the start of the week. I feel like I was busy non-stop, and yet I simultaneously feel like I didn't accomplish enough. I had a few migraines this week which I think I am finally over but now, unfortunately, i am valiantly trying to fight off the beginning of a cold. Getting a cold less than a week out from my marathon would NOT be optimal. I've run marathons before when I am sick and it is only slightly better then childbirth. So I am going to take my vitamins and get some sleep.

The weather has been cool and damp this week but the weekend looks more promising. Sunny and near 80 tomorrow and Sunday--just in time for Liam's soccer game. Today he spent the day at the zoo with his class--he was MOST excited about getting to ride the school bus for the first time. He was also excited that he got to sit next to "Shelby" on the ride to the zoo. Sammy better keep her eyes open...I've been hearing an awful lot about Shelby lately combined with a HUGE grin whenever her name is mentioned...

Beanie continues to grow in leaps and bounds this week. For some reason the past two weeks he has really changed. He is sitting still a little bit more and taking more of an interest in toys and books and even will watch 20 seconds of a tv show. Progress! He is saying a lot of words--the only problem is they all sound very similar to one another. Emily rightfully reminds us that if we consider how much he has developed over the past few weeks, he is probably going to have a vocabulary explosion in the next two months. I know a lot of people think that two is the hard age but I really enjoyed it when Liam was 2. Their little personalities really emerge and take shape. (Three is the age that I still have war-like flashbacks about...shudder) We can already see that Beanie is going to be EXTREMELY stubborn and headstrong as well as a little comedian. He has learned fairly early on that if he squishes up his nose and laughs and smiles all will be forgotten. He also is all about slapstick and will quite often put random things on his head (or poor Hayduke's head) just to gauge a reaction. He will create funny walks (he has several) to make himself laugh. Most of the time--he really enjoys and entertains himself. He certainly entertains us.

I do NOT fancy migraines

For the past two days I have had a twitching in my eye. I should have known that it meant a vicious migraine was brewing. I am always amazed that after dealing with these things for the past 8 years they can still take me by surprise. I get the visual disturbances/blurry vision and instead of instantly thinking "Migraine! Seek help immediately!" I instead think, "Hmmm...wonder why it is so foggy in here today?" or, "Gee-half of my computer screen has disappeared, strange."

Today at work it hit me and hit me hard and now I want to go outside and vomit because the pressure inside my skull is excruciating. I took a healthy dose of Excederin migraine, which was after drinking a not-so-healthy dose of coffee so now my hands are shaking and my stomach hurts from the double/triple dose of caffeine. And, since I took the meds later in the day I will now need to take Advil PM to counter the effects of the caffeine in the Excederin Migraine--otherwise, I will be awake until Friday.

Switcheraroo

I knew that when school started I was probably going to see a change in Liam. I anticipated a surge in independence and a possible change in his attitude. What I didn't expect, was that he would morph into a teenager overnight. I keep thinking of that old Folgers Coffee commercial and changing the words to "While Mrs. Jenner was away someone secretly replaced her sweet, little boy with a mouthy, know-it-all teenager. Let's see of she if she finds out!" The past few days have been a bit of a challenge...if I say white, Liam says black. If we ask him to do something he does the opposite. And then laughs. He has taken to the singsong "Nah nah nah nah nah, na! I don't hear you!" voice which pushes me completely over the edge. And the questions...OY. He is purposefully asking me questions that he KNOWS the answers to, just to see what I say and then he delights in informing me I am wrong. Case in point: last night at dinner he asked me some random question about squirrels or chipmunks or some such thing and I told him "I don't know Liam." He looks at me with a look that is going to earn him a lot of quality time in his room if he keeps it up and says "SEE Mommy--you DON'T know everything!! So there!"

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Mouthy! I really do have a sick-to-my-stomach feeling about the teen years. If he is this much fun at 5...can't wait for his logic when he is 15.

Slap Happy

I am sitting here right now with a VERY tired, VERY silly child. Only minutes ago he was *SO* tired it was all he could do to move a fraction of an inch on the couch and now, he is bouncing off the walls laughing at virtually everything and anything. The computer funny. The pen on the floor is a riot and making a fake burping noise? HYSTERICAL. If my head wasn't pounding maybe I would find it amusing as well. Both boys had a very active day. The weather was gorgeous and sunny and perfect for running around. Liam had a soccer game at 12:30 and Ken & I brought Beanie which meant only one of us got to watch the game at any given time. Liam played well and had fun most of the time. It was fairly hot on the field--something about that artificial turf traps the heat. You feel like you are sitting on giant piece of plastic (which I guess in a way, you are). I could tell that the kids were tired and hot. By the end of the game 3 kids were crying and the rest were moving a lot slower than they normally do. Beanie had fun running around kicking a spare soccer ball and then throwing it up into air then giggling hysterically when it would hit him in the head. He too, is one silly little fellow.

Now both boys are in bed fast asleep and Mom is soon to follow. My headache makes it hard to read, write, watch or focus on anything so I might as well call it a day. I have an easy 13 miler in the morning (the benefits of tapering--easier runs!) so I am going to sign off. Adieu!

Your Daily Liam

Tonight as Liam, Ken & I were sitting on the couch...

Liam: "Mom, do you know what a headbutt is?"

Me: "yes..."

Liam: "Well *I* know what it is too. Do you want me to show you??"

Me: "No thank you"

Liam: "I can show you"

Me: "NO. You REALLY don't need to. Really."

Liam: "Well can I tell you??"

Me: "Yes-that sounds like a better idea"

Liam: "A headbutt is when one person is taller than another person and when they walk their head hits the other person's butt."

Ken & I: (swallowing our laughter) "ughhh...not quite-- but extra points for the very good literal interpretation!"

The love of 26.2

I had my last long run of the training cycle this past SUnday and it went surprisingly well. Twenty miles flew by (well, maybe "flew" is not the right word–that would imply speed which there was not much of) and before I knew it I was back home taking the kids to get coffee (for me, not them, obviously). Ken had to work all day Sunday so the boys and I hung out and had a pretty decent day. The fact that the weather was so cool Sunday morning made a HUGE difference in my long run as well as the fact I've spent the past three months putting in more miles then normal. There were many times after a long long run I would be so exhausted it was all I could do to pick Sawyer up to change his diaper but on Sunday for some reason, everything clicked and I felt great. I hope this means good things on race day in a few weeks. I don't have any delusions that I am going to crank out a PR time--those days are long gone. I just hope to put in a performance I feel good about and race smart and most importantly, have fun. And let me tell you--most marathons I *DO* have fun. Sure it hurts and there are times (usually around mile 23) where I just want the suffering to stop but mostly, doing these things brings me great joy. I am not sure I could ever explain that to a non-runner and not have them look at me blankly like "Yeah. Sure. Running for well over 3 and half hours sounds AWESOME!" but there is something about running that brings me great peace. No disrespect for the brick and mortar church type, but running IS my church. Afterwards I feel calm, centered, focused and in general more optimistic about the world. There is a clarity I get from heading out at 5:30 in the morning when most are still asleep, the skies are starting to lighten and a cool and calm quiet mist is settling on the mountainside. In those early morning hours I feel totally tuned in to the world and I feel a connection that is sometimes lacking the rest of the day when I get absorbed into the daily chores of living.

Soccer Game

When we were least expecting it Fall quickly arrived at our doorstep sometime in the middle of the night. Today the temps are cool, drizzly and only in the 50's(!!!). I always scramble this time of the year to find warm clothes for the boys that actually fit. Sawyer's jeans now fit him like capri pants. Liam is all set because of school but I did notice how his sweats from last year (the ones he constantly tripped over because they were 2 inches too long), now fit perfectly. I did manage to get some fleece jackets ordered for them-just in time.

Today was Liam's soccer game. He definitely had more energy this time then last and did not need to stop and rest. (I'm sure not playing at the park for two hours before the game plus the cool conditions helped a lot). Ken stayed home with Beanie (Beanie at soccer=exhaustion) while I went to the game. Some of the kids on his team and the other team were really, really good. You can tell they have played before and are quite aggressive on the field, charging into the middle of the swarm of kids and kicking the ball. Liam on the other hand, is content to just be out there running and kicking the ball when he can but not particularly caring which direction it goes. He just has fun and is there for the social aspect. I can tell that he tries really hard to keep up and get the ball but most of the time he is just smiling so huge and laughing and not caring whether he kicks it or not. Contrary to my naturally competitive nature, I *LOVE* that he has such fun while he is there and I don't care that he maybe isn't as coordinated as a lot of the other kids or as fast--he is having a BLAST and he feels like he is doing a good job (and he is indeed doing good) and that is good enough for me. During the game his teammate fell and got hurt and immediately Liam jumped up and went to her side. He touched her arm and rubbed her back gently and asked if she was going to be alright. I saw the girl's mother smile at him and reassure him she would be ok. It always makes me feel so good when I see him do that. He has such a big heart.

When we were leaving the field I heard a boy on his team commenting how only he and Brice and another boy were "the only boys on the team who focused on the ball and played hard and scored goals" and the father agreed and told him to keep playing hard. My mama bear instincts came out and I wanted to say to that little boy and his father, "you know, I think EVERYONE on the team tries their best. Some kids are faster, stronger and (ahem) a whole year OLDER then other kids on the team but EVERYONE tries hard." Luckily Liam didn't seem to notice or care so I said nothing but I almost wish I would have and I probably would of added, "you might think you played the hardest, but who do you think had the most fun and smiled the most???" Because *I* know without a doubt, Liam did.

Confessions

This morning Liam and I were downstairs in the kitchen, getting his breakfast. All of a sudden he turned to me and said "Mom, I love my teacher! (pause) I really, REALLY love Mrs. Jessen!!!" I smiled at him and told him that I was so very happy that he loved her and that he was enjoying school so much. I asked him if he loves Mrs. Jessen more then his teachers at preschool and he said ""YES." I could tell that he really liked her when we were doing his homework assignments this week. Anytime I asked him to do an assignment he would ask concerned, "Is this what Mrs. Jessen WANTS me to be doing? Did she say to do that or are you making it up? I don't want her to be mad at me." Once I convinced him that it was indeed, a Mrs. Jessen Approved Activity, he would relax and complete the assignment. Which got me naturally thinking..."how can I best use this newfound knowledge to my advantage?" What mother worth her salt would not use this jewel for good behavior enforcement? Sometimes the best parenting comes from using your children's obsessions and fears to your advantage (hey, I never said I was perfect)...

"Hey Liam, I'd hate to have to tell Mrs. Jessen that you have a messy room..." or "Did you know Mrs. Jessen *LOVES* green beans?? " or, "Peeing all over the wall because you refuse to turn the light on in the bathroom would probably REALLY make Mrs. Jessen SAD."

Oh the possibilities are shamelessly endless.

You are my Sunshine

Today is another picture perfect Colorado day. The sun is shining and the heat has ebbed to a more moderate 80 degrees. I went out for a run at lunch and the weather was superb. I must say, I really do love living in Colorado, especially at this time of the year. The mornings and evenings are cool and crisp and the days are hot. Sawyer and I always start the day by opening his blinds and saying, "Good morning world!" I used to do this with Liam but now that he is older, he gets up and greets the world by himself. After greeting the word I brought Beanie down for breakfast. While I was getting his juice I started to sing "You are my Sunshine," which is something I do with both boys (however Liam sings it to himself now). It took me a second to realize that I heard some humming coming from the table. I turned around to see a smiling Beanie "singing" right along with me. When I said "Beanie! You are singing with me!!" he got bashful and looked away. Apparently at 22 months (today!) he is already too old to be caught singing with his mother.

Your Daily Liam

ME: "Hey Liam, can you please open the garage door so Mommy can put all this recycling in there??"

LIAM: (opens the door to the garage and then opens the garage door)

ME: "No buddy, I didn't mean the garage door, i meant open the door to the garage. Please shut the garage door now"

LIAM: (looks confused)

ME: "You know what buddy, I'm sorry. I am not being very clear, am I?"

LIAM: (in all seriousness) "Mommy, I don't know what you are talking about! Were you speaking in a different language???!"

ME: "Sometimes it sure feels that way..."

A long, long weekend

Happy Labor Day. I hope everyone got the remnants of summer out of their systems. It was a gorgeous yet very hot day here in Colorado. Ken's aunt and uncle are visiting us from NY so today Ken and his uncle went fishing and his aunt, the boys and I drove up to Boulder for the "Hometown Fair"--which is basically a bunch of over-priced organic goods and art for sale as well as a bunch of very over-priced children's events (Seriously? $4 for a few minutes in a jumpy castle???). Between the heat and the crowds and the cost of it all plus the bonus of having Liam have a MAJOR hysterical fit over his balloon getting away I was done. I ended up having to carry Liam about two miles kicking and screaming about the (expletive) balloon. He refused to walk and even sat down in the middle of the street. I carried him screaming down Pearl Street, and nearly asked the hippie sign painting beggars (they paint random signs begging for money) 'Do you have a sign that says 'Writhing hysterical-5 year old. Free to Good Home' "?? Because if they did, I might have bought it.

Once I got him back to the car he calmed down (thank goodness Ken's aunt was there and was able to push Sawyer in the stroller, otherwise I would probably be scheduling my next back surgery tomorrow.). I bought everyone lunch and once fed, Liam was better. That is, he was better until the afternoon, when Mr. I-am-not-listening-to-a-word-you-say-and-in-fact, will-do-the-opposite, came out to play. I was trying to bake a pie for dinner all while making sure the children did not destroy anything or each other. At dinner Liam threw a fit about eating his brown rice, He threw a fit about not riding in Ken's uncle's mini-van. He threw a fit about not getting to watch more t.v. He threw a fit about throwing a fit. Sawyer on the other hand DID eat well, but after dinner he stood up on a toy by the window, fell off and cut his chin open. Then Liam was goofing around and broke a glass at the table. Then he pulled the dog's ear and the dog growled. Then Sawyer dumped the dog water on the carpet. And then Mommy got in a car and drove to the nearest ocean (at least in her mind she did).

Ken & his uncle came home around dinner and they could tell by the look on his aunt and my faces that it had been a very long day. And indeed, it has been. So I am going to put an end to it shortly by going to bed. Tomorrow Ken leaves for a week-long business trip. I go back to work, Liam is back in school and Ken's aunt & uncle depart. It was nice having visitors but it will be nice to get everyone back on track.

Boys & Girls

This morning was "Kindergarten Tea" at Liam's school. It was an hour event where the parents of kindergartners could come to school, meet the principal and learn about how wonderful the school is and what all it has to offer our children. (It really IS a great school I might add). During the tea I couldn't help but notice how many moms brought their smaller children (mostly toddlers) to the tea. I kept thinking to myself, "How are they even going to be able to focus on what the principal is saying if they have to chase their little ones around??" And then it dawned on me...nearly every little toddler there was of the female persuasion and without fail EVERY SINGLE ONE sat still in their mom's lap for the full 45 minutes. Every. One. Now I am not sure if this is because boys and girls are REALLY that different or if it is because MY kids are really not that sedate--maybe a combination thereof. I can assure you that my boys (one in particular who I will not name but it rhymes with "foyer") would be into the bookshelves, under the tables or pressing random buttons on the computer.

On my way out of the school I saw Mrs. Jessen (Liam's teacher) watching a group of kindergartners whose parents were in the Tea. Nearly ALL of them were girls and I had to literally laugh out loud when I heard them chattering all at once to her, "So are you married? Where is your husband? Is he working? Yeah, where is your husband? Do you have babies?" Meanwhile the lone boy sat off in the corner coloring and just watching the girls thinking, "Do you EVER stop talking???" Like I said, made me laugh.

It begins...

The past few months at work have been challenging. There are days when I feel so deflated and defeated and just plain mentally exhausted. Add that to the fact that Liam has started school and I am realizing that my days are zipping past me and I am not really doing what I feel like I need and should be doing. So to make a long story short, the past few months have forced a turning point in my mind and my motivation. I have committed in my head and heart to finally, FINALLY, writing the children's book that has been spinning around in my brain for so long. I am not sure if it will ever get printed, but I do know that if I don't try now I never will. I don't want to ever feel like "if only I would have tried". If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out--but at least I know I gave it my all.

I figure a little by little every night and I will have something ready to submit to a publisher in 3 months time (self publishing is NOT going to be an option. Too much crap gets self published. If this is going to happen it is going to happen ye olde way). If I am lucky/fortunate for it to get accepted (and that could take literally half a year or more) then believe you me, I'll let you all know. Thousands of people submit stories weekly and only a handful ever get published, so I am not going into this without a healthy dose of realism. But like so many things in my life, for some reason I just have a feeling that this is something that I am supposed to be doing. Whether or not it leads me to a life of writing/illustrating full time or some path altogether different, I have to try.

Where there is smoke...there is a fire in CA

The terrible fires raging in California have managed to drift their smoke into Denver. Yesterday when we woke up the sky was filled with a smoky haze and it hung around all day and even today. You can even smell it in the air. There is some scientific reason why Denver is collecting the smoke and it has to do with inversion and the mountains and some other stuff which I don't fully understand. If it is this notable here, I can't even begin to imagine what it is like actually *in* California. Yesterday when I went out for a run it was definitely harder to breathe. I feel bad for anyone with asthma.

Weekend Update

It has been a very busy week...the first day of school, the first soccer game, relatives visiting, etc. It's enough to make two little boys beside themselves with exhaustion (and mom & Dad aren't too lively themselves). Right now as I sit and type this it is all I can do to keep my eyes open. Yawn.

So here is the Reader's Digest Abbreviated Version:
• School has been a big hit with Liam.
• Soccer has been a big hit with Liam
• Sleep has NOT been a big hit for Beanie. :-(
• Friday Liam had his audiologist appointment at Children's and he passed no problem.
• Friday afternoon Ken's Aunt and Uncle arrived with their dog Logan. They spent the weekend with us and are headed up to the mountains for the week then will return on Friday and stay throughout the weekend and into next week. They are enjoying spending the time with the boys and vice versa.
• Liam had his first soccer game on Saturday--the mistake was made to ride his scooter the park for two hours the morning of his game. By the time it was their turn to play he was *exhausted*. He looked sluggish and had to be encouraged to even run after the ball. It was a night and day difference from his practice on Monday where he ran the whole hour. You could just tell he was done on Saturday. Of course this exhaustion did not keep him from staying awake instead of resting during nap time--so by the time bedtime rolled around both boys were done.

Speaking of sleep, or lack therof, I am so very tired. I got up at 5 to get my long run in and Sawyer was unfortunately awake a lot throughout the night. Crossing my fingers he can get back into the hang of sleeping through the night without calling out for me every two hours...

Liam's Post-First Day of School Analysis (in his own words)...

"It was even better than I thought it would be!!"

About what they did:
"We did a Freeze dance and we read books and we learned rules and got to go out to the playground!"

About Mrs. Jessen:
"My teacher is just SO nice! She is SOOO nice and did such a good job, I gave her one of my birthday treats!"

On Friends:
"I have a new friend Alan (Alex) and my teacher is my friend"

Miscellaneous:
"Mrs. Jessen doesn't need to worry. Everything I learned today is locked in my head." (I love that)

And lastly, my personal favorite:
"It was a lot of fun. And I didn't even get sent to the principal's office!!"

He's a Kindergartner now

Today was the official first day of school. Sigh. I took the day off so I could spend it with the boys and be the one to take and pick Liam up from school. The morning was a bit rough (and LONG). I think we were just waiting around for the show, aka Kindergarten, to begin. Liam is an afternoon kindergartner--which has its pros and cons. The pros are that we don't have to worry about hurrying him up and out the door in the morning. The cons are we have to keep him somewhat clean (and busy) until school starts. I haven't been feeling 100% so my energy level is nil-it is just about all I can do to keep up with the boys today.

We got to the school about 10 minutes early along with all the other moms who were anxious to be on time. When we got there, Liam said "I'm so excited I'm shaking!!". He bounded out of the car and got right in line. He immediately started chatting with Alex-a boy he had met last week. I think they will be fast friends. Mrs. Jessen had the children line up boys and girls and I was amazed to realize that out of the 18 kids in his class, about 11 of them are girls. After giving them all name tags she had them walk into class. I watched him walk in and shed more then a few tears. I am counting down the minutes till I can go and get him. In the meantime I have baked cookies for him to eat when he gets home. I always remember my Mom having some special treat (usually apple dumplings) ready and baking by the time the first day of school was over. i'd love to continue the tradition with my kids.

The pictures I have posted are of pre-school, school line up, role call and the actual school itself. It is hard to tell today but they have a great view of the Flat Irons. Not pictured: Mom crying in her car.

More post school analysis tomorrow...

SOCCER!

Not only does Liam start kindergarten tomorrow, he also starts soccer. Here is a pic of him geared up and ready to go. Here is also a picture os Sawyer chasing the dog around with a popsicle, just because.

All About 5

Liam turned five yesterday--it is so hard for me to believe. I am not sure why this birthday has hit me as hard as it did, but it did-maybe because he starts school tomorrow or maybe because it is a milestone...either way it is just another reminder that my firstborn is growing up. All day yesterday I found myself thinking back to the day he was born--how amazed and humbled that such a wonderful and beautiful little baby could belong to us. I *still* feel that way every time I look at both of my boys. We are so very, very blessed.

Yesterday was quite the busy day. It started with chocolate chip pancakes, moved on to the Water Park, lunch out, back home to play with the neighbors and then commenced with homemade gourmet pizzas and a Little Einsteins shaped cake crafted by Ken. And then when it was all said and done: presents. I have to say this about Liam...he has ALWAYS been so appreciative of anything he gets. He opens one present and will play with it and be happy and then when we put another one in front of him he looks surprised and says "There's MORE?!" He really, really wanted a GeoTrax airplane which he has been asking for since Christmas. I of course knew he would get one and he assumed he would. Later in the day I said "what happens if you don't get your GeoTrax?" He said "That's ok Mommy, I'll just ask for it for next year." And he MEANT it. He exclaimed about a hundred times last night "This is the BEST birthday EVER!!!" And again, he meant it.

I just want to bottle his sweetness and give a dose of it to the rest of humanity. I think it would make the world a much more tolerable place to be.