Am I Blue?

I'm having another blue day. This is a hard time of the year and despite the gorgeous weather and bright blue cloudless skies I still feel sad. I wish Mother Nature would cooperate and give me some drizzle and cloud coverage--at least I would feel justified for my funk. I told my boss today that I just felt like I was faking happy lately--and she said that she fakes happy a lot too, but sometimes by faking happy, real happy just happens. So that is what I am going to hope for. The boys are constant sources of pure, genuine joy. My family is healthy and we have a roof over our heads and food to eat so I should focus on the positive. So I will be positive and seek out and grab hold of the little pockets of happy I can manage to find every day.

And try to forget about all the other crap.

Mischief

These are my boys. They are very, very BUSY boys. See that tall skinny one in the infant car seat? He emptied an entire bottle of shampoo AND body wash into his bath the other night. I am still trying to get the surface of the tub to not resemble a greased-up ice skating rink. Then there is that little one. Don't let his sweet toothy smile fool you! Today he managed to get a hold of Mommy's cell phone and dial up someone living in NYC who luckily, was not home. That and he also managed to get his little patties in the toilet while Mommy was scrubbing the tub (see above). These children will either keep me very young or give me a full set of grey hair before age 40. Stinking cute adorable little devils!

Liam Meets Ms. Bree

Yesterday was Liam's first appointment with his Speech Therapist to address the issues we've been having with his excessive drool. Liam has always been a drooler...and for the first two years of his life I just had assumed it was contributed to teething. Last year I had asked his pediatrician what he thought about it and he said that Liam was probably just not aware of the fact that he was doing it and that by age 4 he almost guaranteed he wouldn't be doing it anymore. Unfortunately it did not miraculously disappear over the past year even though we have tried to work with him without nagging. Enter Ms. Bree--the Speech Therapist.

We met her yesterday and Liam seemed to like her instantly. While we were waiting to go back and see her Liam asked a littler boy in the waiting room "Are you here to fix your drool too??" This made the Therapist laugh. She examined him and watched him play and listened to him speak. She had him try and do certain movements with his tongue such as making a kissy face, blowing out bubbles, etc. She said that he speaks very, very well but she noticed right off the bat that it appears that Liam has a type of Oral Apraxia. She says she hesitates using this term because it causes undue anxiety with parents--the reason being because Apraxias are neurologically based and come from birth. After she explained it to me I didn't worry at all--it actually made a lot of sense to me based on things I've seen. In a nutshell, Liam's brain and tongue/facial muscles aren't communicating. She said that while he tries SO hard to make a pucker face and feels like he IS doing it, his tongue isn't getting the message. I would imagine it is similar to how a dyslexic child feels when trying to read something. The "cure" for it is really the same as they treat all speech issues--lots and LOTS of exercises. Things like making the tongue move in different directions, trying to blow bubbles without spitting, breathing with the mouth closed, swallowing exercises, etc. She said basically it comes down to lots and lots of repetition and yes, even "nagging".

So far, we have been good about doing the exercises. Liam gets very excited when he is able to do something that he originally could not do but we still have a LONG way to go but as he says, "I'm working on it Mommy! I'm working on it!"

Beanie Rounding the Bend

After a very, very LONG weekend (and NOT the good kind, mind you) it would appear that Beanie might be rounding the corner. Saturday ended up with a trip to Urgent Care, him puking all over me and another full 48 hours of high fever after that. As of last night (Sunday) he was up most of the night restless, coughing and feverish. At 2am he still was running a 103+ temp and NOT at all happy about it. I sat up with him most of the night trying to hold him...which was much like trying to hold and care for a python... Then this morning when he woke up he was suddenly fever free, happy and actually SMILING--something that we had not seen in days. He is not eating much but that is ok--he is happy and fever free. I am praying/hoping/pleading that he will sleep tonight...because I am just about at my physical breaking point. I think the bug I am fighting will be improved with even 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Here's hoping!

Beanie is Sick :-(

I came home last night to find Beanie crabby and sporting a fever. He and I were basically up from 2:00am until 7:00 am this morning when I finally just gave up and didn't try to get him to sleep anymore. Currently he is clawing at my leg--he has had a low grade fever all day and he is NOT happy about it. Nor will he sleep--which is frustrating. I myself have a sore throat--so I imagine he feels the same, times ten. I hope he takes a nap soon otherwise it is going to be a long afternoon...

Can't wait for the teen years...

Since starting preschool, our sweet boy has turned a bit...shall we say, MOUTHY. Tonight at the dinner table he threw a major fit over the pasta sauce on his spaghetti (the same pasta sauce he ALWAYS eats. And loves.) I gave him a few chances to correct his behavior until the third strike, and then sent him to his room for three minutes. When I told him "Three minutes Liam!" he yelled back at me "NO! TEN minutes!!!" And we said, ok then, ten minutes, he in turn countered, "NO! TWENTY MINUTES!!" This went back and forth until he yelled out angrily "ONE MILLION MINUTES!!!" Clearly he needs to work on his negotiation skills. After crying over his pasta sauce repeatedly and sassing me and other various naughtiness (like wiping a pasta sauce laden spoon on my shirtsleeve, for example) he got sent to bed for the first time without any supper. I HATED doing this, because all I can think of is his skinny little tummy rumbling later in the middle of the night, However I know that based on his behavior it was the right thing to do. If there is one thing that Ken cannot tolerate it is wasting food and poor behavior at the table. Something tells me that while beanie will test us in other areas, he won't ever test us at the dinner table! ;-)

Home Again

I finally got back from our three day work "retreat" this afternoon and was greeted by two very happy, very excited, very loving little boys. Liam just kept looking at me then hugging me and saying "Oh Mommy!" Beanie practically jumped out of Emily's arms when he saw me. It almost makes having to go away worth it--just for that kind of warm reception when I return. Ken did fine with the boys, although he does seem really tired but in all honesty (and understandably) he has been drained since Andy died. Tonight for the first time Liam asked me "Where is Uncle Andy?? Is he coming over??" Even though I had been prepared to answer him for the past two and a half weeks I still dreaded having to tell him. I asked Ken if he wanted to tell him and he asked that I do it, and so I did. I sat Liam down and told him that Uncle Andy wouldn't be coming over anymore and that we weren't going to be able to see him again. He got sad and said "Why not?" and I told him he couldn't come over anymore because he had died. Liam's first rapid fire question was "Why did he die?" and before I could answer him he said "Why? Was it because he ate garbage?" (??!!!!) WHY he asked this, I am not sure. It derailed me for a second and I told him "no, Andy did not eat garbage. He died because his heart stopped beating and we need our hearts to live." He seemed ok with that answer. Then he asked if Uncle Tom (Ken's best friend) was going to come over and I when I told him no, Liam said "Is he dead too?" I reassured him that Tom was alive and well, just a very busy doctor unable to come over at a moment's notice. I know the question will resurface--it usually does. I've tried to talk to him before about death and he asked me so many unanticipated questions he left me speechless. He is one smart and intuitive little turkey.

Off to The Mountains

I am off for a three day work retreat in Evergreen so I will be out of touch until Wednesday. Daddy is officially "On Duty" so hopefully when I come back the house (and more importantly,boys!!) will be in one piece. Sawyer cried and cried and lunged for me when I left today which ripped my heart out--he is definitely going through Mommy Separation Anxiety lately. Liam told Emily this morning that I was "only going away for a few months"--clearly we are still working on understanding the concept of time. ;-) While I look forward to the prospect of potentially getting a night or two of 8 hours sleep I am going to miss my guys terribly--I always do.

The Bean will be walking/running/cliffdiving SOON.

Beanie has been taking steps all over the place--at first he was tentative but now he quite literally just THROWS himself in the general direction of where he is aiming to go. This week he got a bloody lip and bruise on the head because he lunged for the arm of the chair and found it with his face, first. Today I watched him climb on TOP of Liam's little chair, stand up then proceed to climb on top of the art table (he REALLY wanted that crayon!). The child has ZERO fear and it terrifies me. He realizes that it is a long way down from the top of the changing table but he doesn't care. He assesses the risk verses reward and decides that it would be worth it to dive off...If we didn't watch him every single second he would be on top of our garage about now. Ken & I have commented recently that Beanie is freakishly strong for his age--he can get out of our arms and use his body to throw himself out of our clutches if he wants too. The child is stubborn and determined. Ken's best friend is a pediatrician and he told us he was going to dedicate a suture kit in his truck just for the Bean. I think we'll probably need it.

Resurfacing...

Thanks to all for your warm wishes, cards, calls and flowers. The entire family appreciates all you have done. Thank You. As painful as the situation is we see that yes, life does go on. We see it every day when the boys giggle and smile and play as if nothing has changed. Yesterday Beanie took his first clumsy step from his changing table to the rocking chair. I kissed him and held him and told him how proud I was of him. I think there are going to be many "first steps" around here over the next couple of months...

I am very tired and will sign off for the night. Beanie has been waking up recently in the middle of the night which is leaving me exhausted. But before I sign off I will leave you with this Liam gem: This morning as I was driving Liam to school he was telling me about something at school. He then said "That's because I'm sure is smart, aren't I Mommy?!"

It still makes me laugh to think about it.