Liam to Mommy

Last night I was feeling a bit blue and fighting off yet another work-induced migraine so I snuck upstairs to lay down (hide) in the darkness of the bedroom. Not more than 2 minutes later I hear Liam chattering away and I was quickly detected. He opened up the door and climbed up beside me on the bed and leaned in and gave me a kiss and told me that he loved me and that he "just wanted to be near me wherever I was." He kissed my headache away and asked if I felt better. No matter what kind of crappy mood I am in this child intuitively knows just what I need. A hug and a kiss. He is such a nurturer by nature...I think he would make a splendid doctor/nurse/therapist/artist/teacher/parent. He just knows. I've seen him kiss Grandma Karen's headache away and Grandma Schwartz's bloody owwwie. He will go up to a crying child and ask if they are ok and then rub their back tenderly and reassure them that they would be alright. Like I said, the boy just KNOWS. I pray he never outgrows that sweet, caring disposition.

If I've Said it Once...

I often comment how "active" Sawyer is. If he is standing still it usually means he is pooping...and that is about the only time whilst awake that he is not moving. Yesterday Emily had a hard time keeping him OFF of the top of the kitchen table. He has discovered that if wants something in the middle of the table all he has to do is climb up on the chair then jump up on the table. In the span of 5 seconds he can stealthily cover the distance and then sit there, smiling right back at you when you come to remove him. We have started putting him in time outs when he does things like this. He sits there, then comes over, gives you a hug and goes right back over to the stinking table the minute you turn your back. He is pretty convinced his charm and charisma can get him out of anything. He has started to turn and flash the orneriest little smile the minute he is discovered doing something he is not supposed to. Like opening up the front door. Or standing up on Liam's art table. Or climbing on top of the dog. He scrunches up his nose, closes one eye and smiles a big adorable, melt-your-insides smile (see above). Turkey.

Sunshine on my shoulders, makes me happy

Typical to Colorado, after getting well over a foot/two feet of snow on Thursday it is nearly all melted by Sunday. The sun is so intense here it just melts everything, even your heart. I put the boys down for a nap (all 3 of 'em) and went outside to sit out on the deck. I sat there enjoying the feel of the sun on my bones, the breeze blowing and the sound of almost silence. I thought I probably should be doing about 70 other things with my "free" time, like folding clothes, picking up toys, sorting bills, etc. but I just couldn't bring myself to do any of those things. I was paralyzed by the seduction of a few minutes of blissful sunny solitude. I love the sound of the boys laughter and Liam's never-ending singing and chatting and Sawyer's little chirps of beginning language but sometimes, it is nice to be alone in my own thoughts. And then time passes and I find myself longing to hear those little voices and see those sweet faces and chase after those never-resting little bodies because that is what I do. I am MOMMY. I help Liam rescue the toy frog from Daddy's hungry belly and I remove Sawyer from on top of the kitchen table and I refold the clothes that he has managed to unfold and unsort yet again. Because that is what I do. I am Mommy. And that is a job I am happy to do, even if the sunshine breaks are few and far between.

A Colorado Snow Day

Here in Colorado, 16 to 22 inches is considered a legitimate snow day. We were giving the warning earlier in the week that we were going to (finally) get hit with some snow and they were correct in their assessment. It started snowing at 6:00 this morning and is going to continue until tomorrow morning around 9 am. It comes down so fast that by 8:30 we had near 6 inches. It is after lunch and we easily have 9" with more coning down steadily. Our offices closed down today (yeah!!) but I still have to try and get some work done when the boys are napping or otherwise preoccupied. But first, I am going to break out my cross country skis and hit the trails close by our house. Ken just came back from a crazy hike with the dogs and is currently shoveling the drive for the THIRD time in as many hours. He said that all he could see while hiking were the dog's tails---we have that much snow. This is all good news (at least that is what I keep telling myself after having 80 degrees all weekend). We desperately need moisture. Liam suited up and went outside to play and had a blast until I heard him yelling. He was literally stuck in a snow drift and could not get out. I tried to get Beanie dressed but he did NOT seem enthused. He is not one for standing still long enough to change a diaper, let alone dress from head to toe in stiff winter garb. Hopefully all this lovely snow will be gone by the end of the weekend and we can get back with Spring and such.

My brain is a wrung out sponge

Sigh. Somedays I feel like I have not one more drop of thought to wring out of my brain. If my head were a sponge it would literally be twisted dry. That is how i am feeling lately. Tapped. Out. Uninspired. Crispy. Done. Working in an industry where even on the worst/dullest of projects requires creative energy can be draining over time. I have daydreams that I leave design all together and go into an altogether different field like Firefighting. Or environmental science.. Or waste management... Anything where I am not required to milk the creative juices from my brain every, single day. Maybe then by the time I got home at night I would be inspired to be artful and creative on the things I am interested in...like my kids and my paintings and children's books. I remember when I was younger and a nanny I would come up with THE best stories and games and adventures for the kids I took care of. Now I have to wrack my brain to think of the words to Hickory Dickory Dock. Ugh. I want to be the type of Mom I used to be before I had kids...the fun, easy-going, creative type with lots and lots of creative energy. As opposed to the tired, cranky, creatively spent brain fart I have become.

Just for today...

We had a very nice weekend. The weather was absolutely perfect...near 80, blue skies and no hurricane strength winds. Tomorrow will be a different story...chance of snow and rain and high in the 40's. It would actually be a good thing if we DID get some snow/rain...it is SO dry here right now that everyone is living in fear of fire danger. Coloradoans take fire danger very seriously--as we should. Yesterday we took the boys up to Pine Valley Ranch for a hike. En route we showed Liam firsthand what happens when someone is careless and sets the mountain on fire...literally acres and acres of pine tree skeletons (the result of the infamous Hayman Fire 7 years ago). Liam looked at the charred mountain and said "Well that bad lady burned down the trees but she couldn't burn down the mountain!"

The boys enjoyed the hike although Liam did get tired pretty early on. The highlight of the hike for them was definitely the river and eating lunch watching the water roll by. BOTH boys had a lot of fun tossing rocks into the water and running back and forth over the foot bridges. They were two very tired little fellows yesterday but as is the case sometimes, neither one took a nap (ok, Beanie snoozed in the car but that hardly counts). So today they were both in sleep deficit. We played outside in the morning and neither boy seemed to have the energy to stand up straight so I put them to bed and hoped they would nap. Beanie woke up WAILING 50 minutes into his nap and I knew that it meant he had probably pooped and he had. I went in to get him and he was crying so hard he could barely catch his breath (the boy HATES having poopy diapers and hey, I can't say I blame him!) I changed him and went to put him back in bed but his little heaving chest and tears made me instead sit down with him in the rocking chair. I thought, I'll just sit here with him for a few minutes until he calms down. But as we sat there rocking, with the sun coming in through the windows and the music box playing its lullabye I decided that the LAST thing I wanted to do was let go of him. He snuggled in and we sat there for an hour, hugging each other. At first I thought he fell right asleep but then I felt his little hands curl up and play with my hair, then pat my back, then start grabbing at the blanket and I knew he was snuggling because he wanted to, and not because he was asleep.

Even though it probably was setting a bad precedent, I realized that I won't always be able to sit there with him in my arms. These sweet days are fleeting and I already realize all too well that someday, I am going to look back and miss the time they were small enough to fit nuzzled in my arms. I made a point of mentally photographing the moment...the sounds, the smells, the feel of him laying there so I can file it away for the day when it will be a distant memory. So just for today we bent the rules...or at least until we bend them again another day.

It's 1 am and I am NOT sleeping

Sigh.

For some reason I have been unable to sleep lately. I am not sure why this is. I am certainly tired enough. Maybe I am like the kids and get restless the more sleep-deprived I get. I have tried taking Ibuprofen PMs which normally knock me on my keester but this week...they are as effective as a tic tac.

To sleep perchance to dream. Ah, there's the rub! :-(

Happy Peppermint Patty Day!

Liam was awake until WELL after 10:00 last night too excited about what he believed to be some wonderful holiday called "Peppermint Patty Day" or "Miss Pattys Day" (depending on when you ask him for clarification.) He told me "I'm just too exciting to sleep Mommy! I can't WAIT for Miss Patty's Day! We are going to wear green and make Peppermint Patty place mats during Arts & Craps!!" Apparently, Emily told the kids that if they were good they would make shamrock place mats for St. Patrick's Day. I only hope that he is not too disappointed today when no gifts or treats appear on his "Peppermint Patty Place mat..."

Ornery as the day is long...

As promised...some new photos of the turkeys. For some reason, both lads have been EXCEPTIONALLY ornery lately. They are either making each other laugh until they can't breathe or fighting with each other. And to be honest, Beanie is the one who instigates 9 times out of 10. He has some how figure out that if he cannot get what he wants he either A.) Hits whatever is in his reach, B.) Throws himself on the floor and wails and/or C.) Comes running over for a hug as if to make us forget about A and/or B. They learn quickly how to manipulate the heartstrings...

Please stand by...

We've had a busy week and I have been trying to simplify my life by "going Amish" for the past few days. I found that working all day then coming home and checking emails/blogs/etc. was just making my life more complicated and time starved. So I am doing an internet "cleanse" this week. I promise that when I return there will be some new pictures of Trouble and his big brother Mischief. Currently, NEITHER of whom is resting even though they were up early and spent an hour running all over the park...(it is BEAUTIFUL weather today...must. get. outside...)

Be back soon...

It'll break your heart...

Today was back to work and back to school. I spent the majority of the weekend trying to sleep whenever I could, which seems to have paid off since I am feeling better. Beanie did end up getting the same bug--the poor little turkey was up most of Saturday night and spent several hours last night coughing. Both boys were in good moods this morning, which is always wonderful. Liam decided he wanted to make cards for each one of his teachers before we had to leave for school. He spent 30 minutes cutting and coloring and gluing flower pictures for each teacher. He was quite proud. We got to school 15 minutes later and he was SO excited to give them the cards that he took off running. He somehow managed to catch his foot on my foot, and it sent him FLYING, slamming his skinny little body hard onto the pavement. He came up bloody, cut up and with a knot on his head. His sweet little drawings were dirty and crumbled. It broke my heart. He said sobbing "I'm sorry Mommy!!" I nearly cried as I picked him up and told him that *I* was the one who had more than likely tripped him and that he has nothing to be sorry for. I took him into school and got him cleaned off and bandaged. I was worried that he broke his thumb by the way he slammed down. He said it was ok and that he wanted to stay. He gave his dirty, crumbled pictures to the teachers and then proceeded to tell every person within earshot what happened...complete with reenactment of the fall itself. At least he didn't say 'My Mom did it."

Under the Weather

Not feeling well at all today. Went home last night and started to develop a sore throat then body aches/chills. I didn't sleep more than two hours. I am going to try and finish up my work and go home and rest in hopes that I can fight this bug and resume activities as normal. I have a sinking feeling Beanie is getting the same thing so I really need to be on top of my game.

Wish us luck...

My Head

Last night I went to bed with the start of a raging migraine. I woke up with it beating against the inside of my skull in the middle of the night. I HATE it when I get these. HATE. IT. I just want to throw up and go hide in a dark, quiet cave until it passes but sadly, I have to go to work and stare at a computer instead. I woke up at 2 am and decided to take one of the Vicodin from my back sprain. It helped to take the edge off and allow me to get some sleep although I could still feel its dark presence in the back of my head. I know that these migraines start in my neck at the base of my skull. I always feel like I just need someone to hit the side of my head a tiny fraction of a millimeter and everything will align itself and the pain will stop. It radiates up the side of my head, into my eye and through my teeth. The entire left side of my head throbs. I feel like half of a person.

:-(

Reunited!

This week marks one month since I have been able to run. I told Ken on Saturday that if I was feeling up to it, I was going to make Monday (today) my first run back since hurting my back snowboarding. It is a GORGEOUS day today-70 degrees, sunny and for once, no hurricane force winds. I set out to do my usual 4 mile route at lunch time and was pleasantly surprised that I felt absolutely no pain or discomfort and my times weren't *too* off compared to what I normally run the route in. I did notice that I was unusually tired afterwards but that could be from the gym workouts I have been doing in lieu of running. Psychologically, today's run was like a giant dose of Prozac. I feel like all the stars are aligned once again. Now I will admit that sitting here now, two hours later, my back does feel a tiny bit achey...but the doctor told me this would be the case for a while. Physical aches I can deal with--it's the mental ones that wear me down. I am going to continue to err on the side of caution and only run a few times a week for the next few weeks. I am actually pretty proud of myself that I have been patient (for once!) and not rushed recovery. Maybe age DOES bring maturity?!