Sickness

Sawyer woke up this morning with a raging fever. He didn't sleep that well last night and now I know why. Liam came home from school complaining of a headache and neither child ate any dinner. I am popping Airborne like an addict in hopes that I can dodge the bullet but right now based on how I feel-I am losing hope. I am going to *try* once again to get some sleep tonight and hope that the boys and my own restless body will allow this to happen. Thankfully Ken returns later tonight and his mom arrives tomorrow. HOORAY for reinforcements!

Must. Sleep. Now...

Yick

I was awake quite literally the majority of the night last night. For some reason I could not get comfortable and every time I turned over I had a new and different ache. I am not sure if this is taper madness, fighting off the bug or deciding at 7:oo pm last night to steam clean the carpets . Maybe a combination thereof? Either way, I was awake and uncomfortable. For some reason the best sleep I get is directly proportionate to the time I have to wake up...last night, I slept GREAT from 4:45 until 5:45--which is when Beanie woke me up chattering away, WIDE AWAKE. Luckily he was in quite a chipper mood even though he woke up nearly 2 hours earlier then normal and with a suspected fever to boot. He has a cough starting and lots of yick coming from his nose. Sammy is still not 100% and Emily had a rough weekend as well. I am hoping, hoping hoping that the boys don't get the full brunt of it and that the Airborne I have been chugging keeps me healthy. This would not be the best time for a respiratory affliction, thankyouverymuch.

An Outing with Two Boys

Ken is traveling for work again, so the boys and I are hanging out. Per Liam's request, we decided to pack a picnic lunch and head to the park. It is GORGEOUS weather--sunny, blue skies and a nice breeze. Liam asked if we could attempt to fly the kites they got for Easter (finally) and I couldn't come up with an excuse why we couldn't. So we packed up and headed to an open space to have lunch and try our maiden kite flights. In case you have never had the privilege of going into a park like setting with the boys, let me explain the "highlights" of such an outing.

After wrestling to get Beanie in his car seat we drive to the park, find a picnic table under the tree and sit down to have lunch. Liam manages to drop half of his sandwich within the first 2 minutes, while simultaneously laying the other half on the dirty-laden picnic table top. Sawyer manages to find a filthy plastic spoon and proceeds to try to put it in his mouth "Poon! Poon!!" Sawyer drops his juice cup in the dirt. Repeat. Liam decides that he suddenly has to poop so we pack up all of our food/cups/kites and hats and walk half way across the park to the one porta-potty. After a stern warning TO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING!" I lay about 50 pieces of toilet paper on the toilet seat and place Liam on top of it, where he decides that no, he really just has to pee. Meanwhile, Sawyer is opening and shutting the door repeatedly and then he quietly disappears (ALWAYS a bad sign) So I get Liam up to let him pee then go out to chase Sawyer down from the rock pile he was scaling. I bring Sawyer back to the potty and open it to see Liam (it still makes me queasy to think about) sitting DIRECTLY on the porta potty toilet seat with his hands clasping the seat for dear life. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!!" I yell! "Going POOPY!!!" Liam indignantly yells back. I am forced to then shut the door and lock it to keep Sawyer from escaping while I assist Liam, all the while muttering like a Tourettes patient. There was thankfully Hand Sanitizer which I applied liberally to both boys.

After all the porta-potty fun Liam asks woefully, "Well can we still go fly kites??" I answer "Yes, of course (even though I just wanted to pack it in and call it a day)." I assemble the kites and realize that Liam's kite does not have the kite-string-included! kite string. So I open up Sawyer's kite and borrow the string from it. Liam took off running trying to get the kite airborne while Sawyer went in the total opposite direction to explore a discarded water bottle. The kite never made it off the ground, so I collected Sawyer (who by this point was emptying the contents of the picnic bag all over the grass) and took off running. Liam excitedly yells "You're doing it!" and I feel the kite almost take flight...and then I feel it suddenly get light. I turn back around and see a HUGELY grinning Beanie holding the kite's tail in his hands. Operation Kite Flight: FAIL.

In order to salvage some of the trip I grabbed up all of our stuff and took the boys over to the playground where they played until I was exhausted. Somehow, running 20+ miles never exhausts me as much as an outing with my children can. When it is all said and done and we are back home and Beanie is contained I am grateful for the time spent together. Just maybe NOT the porta potty part...

Bring on the Weekend

It has been a long week. So long, in fact, that I can hardly remember the start of the week. I feel like I was busy non-stop, and yet I simultaneously feel like I didn't accomplish enough. I had a few migraines this week which I think I am finally over but now, unfortunately, i am valiantly trying to fight off the beginning of a cold. Getting a cold less than a week out from my marathon would NOT be optimal. I've run marathons before when I am sick and it is only slightly better then childbirth. So I am going to take my vitamins and get some sleep.

The weather has been cool and damp this week but the weekend looks more promising. Sunny and near 80 tomorrow and Sunday--just in time for Liam's soccer game. Today he spent the day at the zoo with his class--he was MOST excited about getting to ride the school bus for the first time. He was also excited that he got to sit next to "Shelby" on the ride to the zoo. Sammy better keep her eyes open...I've been hearing an awful lot about Shelby lately combined with a HUGE grin whenever her name is mentioned...

Beanie continues to grow in leaps and bounds this week. For some reason the past two weeks he has really changed. He is sitting still a little bit more and taking more of an interest in toys and books and even will watch 20 seconds of a tv show. Progress! He is saying a lot of words--the only problem is they all sound very similar to one another. Emily rightfully reminds us that if we consider how much he has developed over the past few weeks, he is probably going to have a vocabulary explosion in the next two months. I know a lot of people think that two is the hard age but I really enjoyed it when Liam was 2. Their little personalities really emerge and take shape. (Three is the age that I still have war-like flashbacks about...shudder) We can already see that Beanie is going to be EXTREMELY stubborn and headstrong as well as a little comedian. He has learned fairly early on that if he squishes up his nose and laughs and smiles all will be forgotten. He also is all about slapstick and will quite often put random things on his head (or poor Hayduke's head) just to gauge a reaction. He will create funny walks (he has several) to make himself laugh. Most of the time--he really enjoys and entertains himself. He certainly entertains us.

I do NOT fancy migraines

For the past two days I have had a twitching in my eye. I should have known that it meant a vicious migraine was brewing. I am always amazed that after dealing with these things for the past 8 years they can still take me by surprise. I get the visual disturbances/blurry vision and instead of instantly thinking "Migraine! Seek help immediately!" I instead think, "Hmmm...wonder why it is so foggy in here today?" or, "Gee-half of my computer screen has disappeared, strange."

Today at work it hit me and hit me hard and now I want to go outside and vomit because the pressure inside my skull is excruciating. I took a healthy dose of Excederin migraine, which was after drinking a not-so-healthy dose of coffee so now my hands are shaking and my stomach hurts from the double/triple dose of caffeine. And, since I took the meds later in the day I will now need to take Advil PM to counter the effects of the caffeine in the Excederin Migraine--otherwise, I will be awake until Friday.

Switcheraroo

I knew that when school started I was probably going to see a change in Liam. I anticipated a surge in independence and a possible change in his attitude. What I didn't expect, was that he would morph into a teenager overnight. I keep thinking of that old Folgers Coffee commercial and changing the words to "While Mrs. Jenner was away someone secretly replaced her sweet, little boy with a mouthy, know-it-all teenager. Let's see of she if she finds out!" The past few days have been a bit of a challenge...if I say white, Liam says black. If we ask him to do something he does the opposite. And then laughs. He has taken to the singsong "Nah nah nah nah nah, na! I don't hear you!" voice which pushes me completely over the edge. And the questions...OY. He is purposefully asking me questions that he KNOWS the answers to, just to see what I say and then he delights in informing me I am wrong. Case in point: last night at dinner he asked me some random question about squirrels or chipmunks or some such thing and I told him "I don't know Liam." He looks at me with a look that is going to earn him a lot of quality time in his room if he keeps it up and says "SEE Mommy--you DON'T know everything!! So there!"

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Mouthy! I really do have a sick-to-my-stomach feeling about the teen years. If he is this much fun at 5...can't wait for his logic when he is 15.

Slap Happy

I am sitting here right now with a VERY tired, VERY silly child. Only minutes ago he was *SO* tired it was all he could do to move a fraction of an inch on the couch and now, he is bouncing off the walls laughing at virtually everything and anything. The computer funny. The pen on the floor is a riot and making a fake burping noise? HYSTERICAL. If my head wasn't pounding maybe I would find it amusing as well. Both boys had a very active day. The weather was gorgeous and sunny and perfect for running around. Liam had a soccer game at 12:30 and Ken & I brought Beanie which meant only one of us got to watch the game at any given time. Liam played well and had fun most of the time. It was fairly hot on the field--something about that artificial turf traps the heat. You feel like you are sitting on giant piece of plastic (which I guess in a way, you are). I could tell that the kids were tired and hot. By the end of the game 3 kids were crying and the rest were moving a lot slower than they normally do. Beanie had fun running around kicking a spare soccer ball and then throwing it up into air then giggling hysterically when it would hit him in the head. He too, is one silly little fellow.

Now both boys are in bed fast asleep and Mom is soon to follow. My headache makes it hard to read, write, watch or focus on anything so I might as well call it a day. I have an easy 13 miler in the morning (the benefits of tapering--easier runs!) so I am going to sign off. Adieu!

Your Daily Liam

Tonight as Liam, Ken & I were sitting on the couch...

Liam: "Mom, do you know what a headbutt is?"

Me: "yes..."

Liam: "Well *I* know what it is too. Do you want me to show you??"

Me: "No thank you"

Liam: "I can show you"

Me: "NO. You REALLY don't need to. Really."

Liam: "Well can I tell you??"

Me: "Yes-that sounds like a better idea"

Liam: "A headbutt is when one person is taller than another person and when they walk their head hits the other person's butt."

Ken & I: (swallowing our laughter) "ughhh...not quite-- but extra points for the very good literal interpretation!"

The love of 26.2

I had my last long run of the training cycle this past SUnday and it went surprisingly well. Twenty miles flew by (well, maybe "flew" is not the right word–that would imply speed which there was not much of) and before I knew it I was back home taking the kids to get coffee (for me, not them, obviously). Ken had to work all day Sunday so the boys and I hung out and had a pretty decent day. The fact that the weather was so cool Sunday morning made a HUGE difference in my long run as well as the fact I've spent the past three months putting in more miles then normal. There were many times after a long long run I would be so exhausted it was all I could do to pick Sawyer up to change his diaper but on Sunday for some reason, everything clicked and I felt great. I hope this means good things on race day in a few weeks. I don't have any delusions that I am going to crank out a PR time--those days are long gone. I just hope to put in a performance I feel good about and race smart and most importantly, have fun. And let me tell you--most marathons I *DO* have fun. Sure it hurts and there are times (usually around mile 23) where I just want the suffering to stop but mostly, doing these things brings me great joy. I am not sure I could ever explain that to a non-runner and not have them look at me blankly like "Yeah. Sure. Running for well over 3 and half hours sounds AWESOME!" but there is something about running that brings me great peace. No disrespect for the brick and mortar church type, but running IS my church. Afterwards I feel calm, centered, focused and in general more optimistic about the world. There is a clarity I get from heading out at 5:30 in the morning when most are still asleep, the skies are starting to lighten and a cool and calm quiet mist is settling on the mountainside. In those early morning hours I feel totally tuned in to the world and I feel a connection that is sometimes lacking the rest of the day when I get absorbed into the daily chores of living.

Soccer Game

When we were least expecting it Fall quickly arrived at our doorstep sometime in the middle of the night. Today the temps are cool, drizzly and only in the 50's(!!!). I always scramble this time of the year to find warm clothes for the boys that actually fit. Sawyer's jeans now fit him like capri pants. Liam is all set because of school but I did notice how his sweats from last year (the ones he constantly tripped over because they were 2 inches too long), now fit perfectly. I did manage to get some fleece jackets ordered for them-just in time.

Today was Liam's soccer game. He definitely had more energy this time then last and did not need to stop and rest. (I'm sure not playing at the park for two hours before the game plus the cool conditions helped a lot). Ken stayed home with Beanie (Beanie at soccer=exhaustion) while I went to the game. Some of the kids on his team and the other team were really, really good. You can tell they have played before and are quite aggressive on the field, charging into the middle of the swarm of kids and kicking the ball. Liam on the other hand, is content to just be out there running and kicking the ball when he can but not particularly caring which direction it goes. He just has fun and is there for the social aspect. I can tell that he tries really hard to keep up and get the ball but most of the time he is just smiling so huge and laughing and not caring whether he kicks it or not. Contrary to my naturally competitive nature, I *LOVE* that he has such fun while he is there and I don't care that he maybe isn't as coordinated as a lot of the other kids or as fast--he is having a BLAST and he feels like he is doing a good job (and he is indeed doing good) and that is good enough for me. During the game his teammate fell and got hurt and immediately Liam jumped up and went to her side. He touched her arm and rubbed her back gently and asked if she was going to be alright. I saw the girl's mother smile at him and reassure him she would be ok. It always makes me feel so good when I see him do that. He has such a big heart.

When we were leaving the field I heard a boy on his team commenting how only he and Brice and another boy were "the only boys on the team who focused on the ball and played hard and scored goals" and the father agreed and told him to keep playing hard. My mama bear instincts came out and I wanted to say to that little boy and his father, "you know, I think EVERYONE on the team tries their best. Some kids are faster, stronger and (ahem) a whole year OLDER then other kids on the team but EVERYONE tries hard." Luckily Liam didn't seem to notice or care so I said nothing but I almost wish I would have and I probably would of added, "you might think you played the hardest, but who do you think had the most fun and smiled the most???" Because *I* know without a doubt, Liam did.

Confessions

This morning Liam and I were downstairs in the kitchen, getting his breakfast. All of a sudden he turned to me and said "Mom, I love my teacher! (pause) I really, REALLY love Mrs. Jessen!!!" I smiled at him and told him that I was so very happy that he loved her and that he was enjoying school so much. I asked him if he loves Mrs. Jessen more then his teachers at preschool and he said ""YES." I could tell that he really liked her when we were doing his homework assignments this week. Anytime I asked him to do an assignment he would ask concerned, "Is this what Mrs. Jessen WANTS me to be doing? Did she say to do that or are you making it up? I don't want her to be mad at me." Once I convinced him that it was indeed, a Mrs. Jessen Approved Activity, he would relax and complete the assignment. Which got me naturally thinking..."how can I best use this newfound knowledge to my advantage?" What mother worth her salt would not use this jewel for good behavior enforcement? Sometimes the best parenting comes from using your children's obsessions and fears to your advantage (hey, I never said I was perfect)...

"Hey Liam, I'd hate to have to tell Mrs. Jessen that you have a messy room..." or "Did you know Mrs. Jessen *LOVES* green beans?? " or, "Peeing all over the wall because you refuse to turn the light on in the bathroom would probably REALLY make Mrs. Jessen SAD."

Oh the possibilities are shamelessly endless.

You are my Sunshine

Today is another picture perfect Colorado day. The sun is shining and the heat has ebbed to a more moderate 80 degrees. I went out for a run at lunch and the weather was superb. I must say, I really do love living in Colorado, especially at this time of the year. The mornings and evenings are cool and crisp and the days are hot. Sawyer and I always start the day by opening his blinds and saying, "Good morning world!" I used to do this with Liam but now that he is older, he gets up and greets the world by himself. After greeting the word I brought Beanie down for breakfast. While I was getting his juice I started to sing "You are my Sunshine," which is something I do with both boys (however Liam sings it to himself now). It took me a second to realize that I heard some humming coming from the table. I turned around to see a smiling Beanie "singing" right along with me. When I said "Beanie! You are singing with me!!" he got bashful and looked away. Apparently at 22 months (today!) he is already too old to be caught singing with his mother.

Your Daily Liam

ME: "Hey Liam, can you please open the garage door so Mommy can put all this recycling in there??"

LIAM: (opens the door to the garage and then opens the garage door)

ME: "No buddy, I didn't mean the garage door, i meant open the door to the garage. Please shut the garage door now"

LIAM: (looks confused)

ME: "You know what buddy, I'm sorry. I am not being very clear, am I?"

LIAM: (in all seriousness) "Mommy, I don't know what you are talking about! Were you speaking in a different language???!"

ME: "Sometimes it sure feels that way..."

A long, long weekend

Happy Labor Day. I hope everyone got the remnants of summer out of their systems. It was a gorgeous yet very hot day here in Colorado. Ken's aunt and uncle are visiting us from NY so today Ken and his uncle went fishing and his aunt, the boys and I drove up to Boulder for the "Hometown Fair"--which is basically a bunch of over-priced organic goods and art for sale as well as a bunch of very over-priced children's events (Seriously? $4 for a few minutes in a jumpy castle???). Between the heat and the crowds and the cost of it all plus the bonus of having Liam have a MAJOR hysterical fit over his balloon getting away I was done. I ended up having to carry Liam about two miles kicking and screaming about the (expletive) balloon. He refused to walk and even sat down in the middle of the street. I carried him screaming down Pearl Street, and nearly asked the hippie sign painting beggars (they paint random signs begging for money) 'Do you have a sign that says 'Writhing hysterical-5 year old. Free to Good Home' "?? Because if they did, I might have bought it.

Once I got him back to the car he calmed down (thank goodness Ken's aunt was there and was able to push Sawyer in the stroller, otherwise I would probably be scheduling my next back surgery tomorrow.). I bought everyone lunch and once fed, Liam was better. That is, he was better until the afternoon, when Mr. I-am-not-listening-to-a-word-you-say-and-in-fact, will-do-the-opposite, came out to play. I was trying to bake a pie for dinner all while making sure the children did not destroy anything or each other. At dinner Liam threw a fit about eating his brown rice, He threw a fit about not riding in Ken's uncle's mini-van. He threw a fit about not getting to watch more t.v. He threw a fit about throwing a fit. Sawyer on the other hand DID eat well, but after dinner he stood up on a toy by the window, fell off and cut his chin open. Then Liam was goofing around and broke a glass at the table. Then he pulled the dog's ear and the dog growled. Then Sawyer dumped the dog water on the carpet. And then Mommy got in a car and drove to the nearest ocean (at least in her mind she did).

Ken & his uncle came home around dinner and they could tell by the look on his aunt and my faces that it had been a very long day. And indeed, it has been. So I am going to put an end to it shortly by going to bed. Tomorrow Ken leaves for a week-long business trip. I go back to work, Liam is back in school and Ken's aunt & uncle depart. It was nice having visitors but it will be nice to get everyone back on track.

Boys & Girls

This morning was "Kindergarten Tea" at Liam's school. It was an hour event where the parents of kindergartners could come to school, meet the principal and learn about how wonderful the school is and what all it has to offer our children. (It really IS a great school I might add). During the tea I couldn't help but notice how many moms brought their smaller children (mostly toddlers) to the tea. I kept thinking to myself, "How are they even going to be able to focus on what the principal is saying if they have to chase their little ones around??" And then it dawned on me...nearly every little toddler there was of the female persuasion and without fail EVERY SINGLE ONE sat still in their mom's lap for the full 45 minutes. Every. One. Now I am not sure if this is because boys and girls are REALLY that different or if it is because MY kids are really not that sedate--maybe a combination thereof. I can assure you that my boys (one in particular who I will not name but it rhymes with "foyer") would be into the bookshelves, under the tables or pressing random buttons on the computer.

On my way out of the school I saw Mrs. Jessen (Liam's teacher) watching a group of kindergartners whose parents were in the Tea. Nearly ALL of them were girls and I had to literally laugh out loud when I heard them chattering all at once to her, "So are you married? Where is your husband? Is he working? Yeah, where is your husband? Do you have babies?" Meanwhile the lone boy sat off in the corner coloring and just watching the girls thinking, "Do you EVER stop talking???" Like I said, made me laugh.

It begins...

The past few months at work have been challenging. There are days when I feel so deflated and defeated and just plain mentally exhausted. Add that to the fact that Liam has started school and I am realizing that my days are zipping past me and I am not really doing what I feel like I need and should be doing. So to make a long story short, the past few months have forced a turning point in my mind and my motivation. I have committed in my head and heart to finally, FINALLY, writing the children's book that has been spinning around in my brain for so long. I am not sure if it will ever get printed, but I do know that if I don't try now I never will. I don't want to ever feel like "if only I would have tried". If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out--but at least I know I gave it my all.

I figure a little by little every night and I will have something ready to submit to a publisher in 3 months time (self publishing is NOT going to be an option. Too much crap gets self published. If this is going to happen it is going to happen ye olde way). If I am lucky/fortunate for it to get accepted (and that could take literally half a year or more) then believe you me, I'll let you all know. Thousands of people submit stories weekly and only a handful ever get published, so I am not going into this without a healthy dose of realism. But like so many things in my life, for some reason I just have a feeling that this is something that I am supposed to be doing. Whether or not it leads me to a life of writing/illustrating full time or some path altogether different, I have to try.

Where there is smoke...there is a fire in CA

The terrible fires raging in California have managed to drift their smoke into Denver. Yesterday when we woke up the sky was filled with a smoky haze and it hung around all day and even today. You can even smell it in the air. There is some scientific reason why Denver is collecting the smoke and it has to do with inversion and the mountains and some other stuff which I don't fully understand. If it is this notable here, I can't even begin to imagine what it is like actually *in* California. Yesterday when I went out for a run it was definitely harder to breathe. I feel bad for anyone with asthma.