A heartfelt song

Here is a longish video of Liam singing his original song "A Gift from Your Heart." Both vocals and instrumentation are of his own creation.

LMNO PEEEEE!!!

Beanie singing part of his alphabet this morning. Notice his enthusiasm for the letter "P"...

A night out with the ladies

On Friday night I had a date with a bunch of girlfriends to go see one of my really good friends perform in a benefit Drag show. I had never been to one before and had only seen my friend perform in his work cubicle. I was not prepared for how totally AMAZING the show was and how great these guys are. I had about as much fun as I have had in a long, long time. I know some people are uncomfortable with the concept of men dressing in drag and/or being gay but I of course do not share that sentiment. I see people for who they are and not their sexual orientation or what they like to do for entertainment. My friend is an amazing person, designer, father and friend. I shouldn't have been surprised that he would excel in performing on stage. He rocks. Here are a few pictures of me and my friends. My good friend is the tall bleach blonde. The other drag queen with the sandy blonde hair was a super performer who we fell in love with. He was really sweet and told me he has been doing this since he was 16 (his mother and grandmother and aunt were in the audience as well). He is graduating from CU in a few weeks and starting Law School in January. Good guys and good fun and all the money went to a good cause.

The Conundrum of Thanksgiving

I have never been a big Thanksgiving fan. Ever. I remember as a child being moderately excited about the holiday because it meant my aunts & uncles would come to stay with us for 5 days. However as time went by and those same relatives started to pass away (inevitably & ironically around Thanksgiving) I began to see it differently. I saw how much work it was on my mother--who worked her fingers to the bone preparing for the event by cleaning and cooking until the wee hours of the night. Add to that those 5 days of meal preparations and clean up for everyone and you had a very exhausting week of entertaining & servitude. Martha Stewart I am not.

As years went by and I moved across the country, I sort of just molded into random Thanksgiving plans. Depending on the boyfriend and/or spouse sometimes I cooked. Sometimes we went out to eat and sometimes we ended up at friends. The only static "tradition" is that I go for a run--but hell, I do that everyday anyway. Now that I am married to a chef--we still kind of bounce around, but now HE does the cooking pretty much wherever we go. He enjoys this and I enjoy that he enjoys this. I will contribute a pie--(hey, I'm not THAT selfish).

The other reason I dislike Thanksgiving is because I don't really understand the rationale of a nation gorging themselves sick all in the name of "being thankful." It has always been my belief that if we were TRULY thankful for the food/shelter we have, we would all go without it for a day to remind ourselves of how thankful we are. Nothing proves how much you need and appreciate something until it is gone. I guarantee if we all had to camp outside on a cold November night with an empty belly we would appreciate our homes (be they meager or grandiose) and our pantries a whole lot more.

All that being said, I wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving. I will go for a nice run in the morning and then surround myself with my greatest and most treasured blessings; my family. I wish for you all the same.

The best intentions...

THis weekend was quite busy--nothing exciting or even remotely fun, but busy. I always set out on the weekends with a plan to get as much done in as little time as possible. What I always manage to forget, however, is that there are only so many hours in the day and so much energy to cram it all in. Plus, factor in the two pint-sized "helpers" and you've got yourself a major energy drain. Case in point: this weekend was operation Toy Donation, or as Liam fondly likes to tell people, "Selling our toys to the poor kids." On saturday I had it all figured out--I would get up, get dressed and take the boys with me to go grocery shopping while Ken worked. Then, we 'd come home, pack up the toys and go and grab a smoothie afterwards. We'd have a nice lunch and then I would go and get my hair done and come home relaxed and feeling better about my appearance.

What really happened: I chased the boys around the house all morning, namely one VERY cantankerous two year old, then I drug them to the grocery store where the cantankerous one refused to sit in the cart, and refused to not throw a fit about sitting in said cart. After wrestling boys and groceries into the house I realized we were behind schedule. This set "Operation Toy Donation" into a frenzied overdrive. We went upstairs and began the toy evaluation; anything not played with was donated. Anything that was a baby toy was donated. Anything that makes migraine-inducing obnoxious noise-donated. Beanie's room was first. Every time a toy was put into the bag, he would remove it. Any time a toy with 6 millions pieces was revealed...he would dump it out. Repeat the drill in Liam's room. A toy was unearthed and Sawyer would pounce on it, then dismantle it. Repeat. To make a long story short the entire toy donation project took MUCH longer and was more exhausting then originally anticipated. We ended up with 5 bags of stuff that we schlepped out to the car and it was way past lunch. I was at my wit's end by the time everything was loaded, which is when Liam chirped in "Hey after we sell the toys to the poor kids, can we still go to the coffee shop to get a smoothie??" I looked at him and said "Don't push it." Liam, being ever the crafty one later asked me after we unloaded the toys to the donation center "Hey Mommy! Wouldn't you like a nice coffee right now??!" I think he has a future in advertising...

Ridiculous

I have admittedly been out of touch with "the outside world" the past week. Between work and boys and fighting off a cold I have little energy to watch much tv or read the news. Tonight I actually sat down to do nothing but vegetate for an hour and watch some tv. A story came on the news about the new Government Health Panel recommendation that women now start getting mammograms at age 50 as opposed to the previously recommended 40, and how there is now fear that Health Insurance companies are going to start refusing to pay for screenings before the age of 50. This news appalled me! How many women will now opt out of screenings because they cannot afford them? And they aren't cheap! I know this because I got a nice little bill in the mail this week for the portion that my insurance will NOT pay for an annual screening. Unfortunately last week I had to go back in for some follow up mammograms because of an "asymmetric abnormality" and after 7, yes, SEVEN more scans they finally got the results they needed to see. A sigh of relief that all was ok--but I couldn't help but think when the radiologist reviewed the scans with me just how much are these additional scans going to cost me?? I almost guarantee that my insurance will not cover them, even though I am in the "high risk" category due to family history. Again, I feel this new recommendation is a giant step backward and I sincerely hope and pray this panel recommendation isn't being influenced by the National Healthcare reform. ("Hey, now that WE'RE picking up the tab for healthcare we're starting to think that maybe you don't REALLY need all those tests, do you?!").

A reporter on the news said that one local Imagine Center counts over 25% of women under the age of 50 who get breast cancer. Twenty-five percent!! That is a 1/4 of their patients who would NOT have known they had cancer had they not went in for screenings. My own mom was in her 40's when she was diagnosed and another woman I know here was diagnosed at age 36!! I hope that enough women and healthcare providers raise a fuss over this new "recommendation". I know I will.

Brick

There is a Ben Folds Five song from a few years back whose words keep bouncing around in my head. It's actually a very sad song about a young couple who have to make a difficult choice. The refrain is "She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly...". That is how I feel today. Only the brick is not a loved one but rather my job, which I can assure you I do NOT love. As the hours went on today and the work piled up and over my head and deadlines flew in and then flew by me I could feel my stress level rising in direct proportion to my blood pressure. The words kept filling in my head "This place is a brick and I'm drowning slowly!" I feel like I am doing all that I can to keep my nose above water and there is no end in sight. The brick strapped to my ankle is pulling me down no matter how fast I try and tread water. I am giving it a few weeks and pray that the stress/workload settles down once we regain some semblance of routine or until I quit and find a new job or end up in the nearest psychiatric facility. Whichever comes first.

"DisneyPixarsUp"

I bought Liam and Sawyer (but not really Sawyer because Sawyer can't sit still for more then 30 seconds at a time) the newest Pixar movie, "UP". I saw it at the grocery store and decided to throw it in the cart because I wanted to see it probably as much as Liam did. Liam looked at the cover and said immediately "DISNEYPIXARSUP!" as if it were all one word, as opposed to "Disney Pixar's "UP". We put the movie in after Sawyer went to take a very short nap and about 20 minutes into it Liam announces "I'm not all that impressed with this movie." He jumps up, saunters over to the TV and turns it off and walks away.

Of course *I* still wanted to watch the movie, so I flipped the TV back on and continued to watch it. Liam regained interest and told me at the end of the movie that he "had changed his mind" and that it was "a very god movie after all." In fact, he wanted to watch it again today but we decided due to some flagrant listening violations, there would be movie. We had close to 9 inches of snow last night and if there was ever a justifiable reason to let the children watch a lot of tv it is today... Whenever we get lots of snow and muck the days seem REALLY long. Liam must agree because he just asked me disgustedly "when is this day going to be over with already?!"

The (Other) Boston Curse

My official 2010 Boston Marathon acceptance letter was emailed to me this week. Let the looking-over-my-shoulder neurosis commence. I have a love/hate relationship with the Boston Marathon. For the marathon running set, the Boston marathon is the "Holy Grail" for the weekend warrior. Aside form its long history, the Boston marathon is one of the few marathons in this country that actually require you to run a specific qualifying time in order to participate. I've been fortunate to qualify 5 times for Boston and yet, I have only made it to the starting line one time. There is just something about this race that nearly does me in every year. Indulge me whilst I saunter down memory lane...

The first time I qualified for Boston was back in 2000-after I ran my second marathon (Philadelphia). I was so thrilled to have made the qualifying time (3:40) that I enthusiastically registered for Boston two days after my qualifying race. This, of course, was before I became familiar with my own "Boston Curse." I happily registered in November for the April race, bought my ticket and registered for a hotel only to end up with a very severe stress fracture in my tibia (almost a total break) a month out from the race. Bye Bye Boston 2001.

So the following year I re-qualified and re-entered for Boston, (this time a little more cautiously) and again bought my tickets. Things were looking good and I made it through the training series and was into my three week taper when disaster struck. Actually it was a Lexus that struck-from behind with a guy on a cell phone at the wheel. I was taken to the hospital and was told that there was NO way I'd be running my marathon in three weeks, and more than likely be out of running for at least 6 weeks while I spent my days in Physical Therapy. Bye Bye Boston 2002.

Enter Year three...I again requalified with my fastest time to date, but this time, I was more then a little superstitious about entering too early. I literally registered the latest I could and bought my airline ticket and made hotel reservations at the last possible moment. I was gun shy. I was nervous. I was tired of getting my heart broken. That year the winter was hard and cruel. My brother-in-law was killed in a car accident and I was determined that I would run my race for him. Then as fate would have it, one day before I was to get on a plane for Boston I started getting sick. Not just a sniffles and sore throat kind of sick but a full-body flu and fever kind of sick. I flew anyway but I felt miserable. My entire Boston experience was spent searching for medication and just praying I could run the race and not end up in the ER. On race day I felt pretty bad--I had a fever, I couldn't stop coughing and my head felt like it could spontaneously rupture and expel brain matter all over the fine citizens of Boston. But I didn't invest all that time to roll over and go back to sleep-so up I went and ran the race. I would love to tell you that after three years of bad luck my race day experience was Disney-esque but I can't. Honestly, it was pretty dreadful. On more then one occasion I had people tell me to pull out and stop running but clearly, they don't know me very well. I finished the race and it is still to this date, my all time worst marathon time and running experience. I honestly don't remember that race--THAT is how sick I was.

SO...this year I got the illusive "BQ" quite by accident. I didn't set out to go back to Boston. I actually kind of dread it to tell the truth. But after running a pretty decent fall marathon and having my friends coerce me into giving Boston another try I went and registered. Against my best judgement and any remnant of common sense I still may have I once again sent the B.A.A. my money. Today as I went out to run my 10 miler in over 8 inches of snow and muck I am once again reminded why I really dread Boston. If you can survive training in an uncertain winter and continuously fluxuating weather and not get injured, rear-ended or sick then you just might make it to Boston.

One can hope anyway.

One of THOSE days

I should have known when Sawyer woke up two hours earlier then normal that it was going to be "one of those days." He has actually been getting up earlier and earlier everyday despite going to bed the same time. The crazy thing is that he seems well rested at 5:00am when he starts calling "Mom-MEEE! MOMMEEEEE!" I have to admit, as much as it pains me to get up that early I have enjoyed my one on one time with him early in the morning when we sit in his rocking chair and snuggle.

I am not going to go into detail because I don't feel like sharing it all but suffice it to say today was one significantly stressful thing after another. And to top it ALL off, my friends and coworkers got let go from work today. I am still shocked by this news. I thought if they were going to let people go we would all go as a unit. Not so. Now the two people I loved the most at work (my boss and my fellow designer) are gone and the workload shifts to me. I suppose I should be thankful I still have a job but I can't get there yet. I am too sad for my friends. I know they will bounce back and land in better places then they were before (because I truly believe things happen for a reason), but selfishly I know how much I am going to miss them. I am not prepared enough mentally to start thinking about the ramifications today will bring.

Your Daily Liam

In the car...

Liam: "I think I'm going to start writing with my left hand."

Me: "Yeah? Why is that?"

Liam: "Just to give my other hand a break."

Beanie Turns Two!!!

(note: Click on photos to enlarge!)

My littlest sweetheart turned two today!! Here are a few pics from the post-gift frenzy. There is also one of Liam enjoying a "Big Brother" gift. We had pretty nice weather all weekend-so the boys got to play outside a fair amount. Today seemed especially LONG--I think on some level Sawyer knows he is two and thinks that he no longer needs to take naps. He wailed in his crib for over an hour and then when he DID sleep, he only slept for 50 minutes. He also was up a lot last night fussing and unable to sleep. I think a lot of it has to do with his molars coming in. Liam, on the other hand has been extra hungry and extra tired all day. He went upstairs for a time out and ended up falling asleep before dinner. I think if we would have left him sleep, he would have been happy to stay in bed for the rest of the night. I am right there with him. I think the past week I have been fighting off some sort of bug because I am just exceptionally exhausted. I ran 8 this morning and all I wanted to do was sleep.

Overall I think Beanie had a nice day--it was very low key. He enjoyed his cake and even managed to blow out one candle (with the help of his brother). The cake was covered in berries and for the longest time, he wasn't even aware that it was CAKE under the berries. He had to be cajoled by us to even try the cake but when he did...game over. "MORE?! MORE?!!!" he asked repeatedly. He also caught on pretty quickly that presents mean STUFF and he seemed to really enjoy that concept.

Frazzled

Tonight I am once again feeling frazzled and unable to get everything done that needs to be done. The house is a mess, groceries need purchased and I am behind at work. There are never enough hours in the day. I promised myself a few months ago I would devote the evenings to writing my story and/or drawing and as of late, that is just not happening. By the time the kids are fed and in bed and laundry is done and dishes are washed I am just plain tired and unmotivated. All I want to do is do something mindless and then go to bed. I am fairly certain Ken feels the same way. Actually I am fairly certain most working parents of young children feel this way. I think/hope it will get better.

Or maybe I just need to lower my expectations.

As promised...pictures of the little devils on Halloween

Brace Yourselves

Every time we have visitors we always brace ourselves for a rough re-entry for the boys into reality. Typically they have been spoiled with gifts, doted on and fed shameful amounts of sugar in the course of the average visit. Add to that a special day like Halloween and the wacked-out time change, and you've got yourself a recipe for disaster. The boys were definitely not their best today. Not. At. All. By the time I got home from work both boys had melted down into a blubbery, whiney mess. I am quite sure that if you took a sample of their genetics at this time it would be composed primarily of sugar. From the time I got home until I put them to bed (EARLY, mind you) each boy did a fair amount of time in Time Out. Infractions are as follows: Running around the kitchen stove while Mommy was trying to cook dinner, refusing to shut the freezer/and/or refrigerator door after being told 100 times the contrary, throwing a fit because you cannot grab a sharp knife off of the counter and/or take possession of the colander, squeezing an entire bottle of bath water onto Mommy's leg after being warned NOT to do so then refusing to get out of the tub, and lastly, kicking/biting/pinching/pulling of hair of a sibling or pet or Mommy.

I am tired. I am deflated. I am ready to go hibernate. I told this to Liam after we had a nice chat about his behavior and he said "Well I don't think sleeping for a season is a good idea, do you?!" and I said, "well, sometimes like today it seems like a GREAT idea". he asked me why and I told him "Because today was a bad day." Liam said "Somedays are like that Mommy."

Indeed, somedays are like that.