That book

I have talked about my growing inaptitude to think of new ideas. My "creativity constipation". My Designers/Illustrator's Block. Dudsville. When I am trying to generate ideas I surround myself with anything inspiring; design books, illustration websites, gossip blogs, etc. As of presstime, I am working on some ideas for work, or rather, SHOULD be working on. While looking through books, magazines, etc. for inspiration my mind instead keeps wandering off to the children's book I have never written or illustrated--i.e. the dream I have had since I was 5 years old.(Mom, do you remember the time I wrote a book and cut my own hair to illustrate the pictures with?) I will do this periodically...get all fired up about illustrating and writing that book and then I get mentally derailed by lack of confidence (I'm not a writer!), lack of originality (every idea is taken!) and general lack of energy (why won't these boys sleep?!). I have started that book about a thousand different times over the years and here I am, 38 and still that book eludes me. I take the boys to the library for our weekly pilgrimage more for my own need to be inspired then for their amusement. (as proven by Liam's "this is lame!" comment). I scour the shelves until a beautifully illustrated book pops out at me and I snag it and put it in my, I mean, OUR check out bag.

I am not sure who gets more excited about the books, Liam or me. Liam has always been a book lover. Even when he was very small he could easily sit on my lap for as many books as I could stand to read. Beanie, however, has shown little interest in books other than to hurl them at the floor, chew on the edges or rip off any flap that has the misfortune to catch his attention. I will admit that he is showing at least a bit more interest. (The other day I managed to hurriedly read 5 pages of Goodnight Moon. A new record.) As for my own pretend book...I have decided that if I am ever to write such a thing I am going to need to forget any delusions of writing it for the masses, getting noticed and established as a bona fide Children's Book illustrator/writer, and making enough money to finally work from home doing what I love. Instead, I need to just write a book that my boys would like hearing me read and with pictures that would keep their interest and just forget about anyone else ever seeing it. If it makes my boys happy then that will be good enough for me.