Another day like that

Sigh. Having a blue day. Another blue day. It seems that the blue days are more frequent then their counterparts lately. I know I have nothing to feel blue about at this time in my life. I have two beautiful and healthy energetic boys and a husband who likes me at least most of the time. We have a house, car and sources of income. We eat well and are able to even go out every so often. So why do I feel so sad? When I get this way I feel terribly guilty which in turn makes me feel worse, which in turn makes me even MORE guilty, etc. I can't really describe it. I know that as a young child I can remember watching the news (Walter Kronkite) and just feeling so bad for the people on it--the images they would show of Israel and Afghanistan and the little kids toting guns...I remember it well. I also remember one time, laying in bed unable to sleep. Literally sick to my stomach because my dad had gotten called out to go to the scene of a car accident. (My dad was a volunteer firefighter). All I could think about was that a van had went off the road and people were probably dead. I felt so sad for them. I suppose that it comes with the territory of being a creative type. We tend to visualize things more vividly. More life-like. We internalize and apply it to ourselves and that can be scary.

I notice that as an adult I do the same thing. Ken called me out on it a few weeks ago. He pointed out that every time a tragedy happens to someone I go into a funk and get really sad. I had never really thought about it but I realized he was correct. I suppose Freud would say it is because I am not dealing with the bad things that have happened in my life...but then what bad things did I have to deal with when I was a little kid?? I grew up in the kind of home with unending amounts of love and support. I only pray that my kids know that same kind of childhood. Sigh. I guess I am just an emotional sponge. Sucking up the joys and pains and sorrows of the world around me and then feeling guilty about it. Double sigh.

Our time is up. That concludes our session for today...