First Day of School

Well it's happened. School has officially started. I am now the mother of a first grader and a preschooler. (gulp). Everyone survived the first day of school and Mom only sobbed off and on for a few hours. I thought dropping off Sawyer would be the majority of my waterworks but I was mistaken. Watching Liam line up with all of the other first-graders nearly did me in. Their backpacks are nearly as big as they are and I am fairly certain Liam's weighs more then he does.

About those backpacks...

I have nearly been done in emotionally by something as seemingly innocent as a backpack. Yesterday, the sight of Sawyer wearing his miniature-scaled "Thomas the Tank Engine" backpack while walking bravely and tearfully through the Preschool doors just about did me in. I still get choked up thinking about it. The drop off yesterday was as painful as I thought it would be. He cried and begged me to take him home and when he realized I would not he cried and begged for me to "leave brudder wit him" Excruciating. There is not much worse then having to have a stranger pry your crying, sobbing and terrified baby from your arms as you run for the door. I cried for a good twenty minutes after in my car.

Liam told me "Stop crying Mom! He'll be fine!" And I KNOW this. I do. But as I told Liam, it is hard to watch your babies (and they will always be our babies) feel so alone and scared and sad. I reminded Liam that I did the same thing with him when I had to drop him off for the first time. I remember him begging and crying at the daycare window, hands flat against the glass crying for me to come back. Torture. But it is good for me to remember these things because now,  Liam could really care less if I drop him off anywhere. If I get even so much-as a hand-wave as some form of acknowledgment when I tell him goodbye, it is a miracle.

I know soon enough Sawyer will get used to school and love it as much as his brother does. He'll also get to the point where he will hardly care if I'm dropping him off or not. And regardless of their ages or grades I will still be left quietly crying in the car over a backpack.