Course Correcting

A few months ago I made the decision to take a giant leap of faith and leave my full-time job at Noodles & Co. The plan was to phase out and be out of there officially by May. And then June. And then July. Etc. I have been slowly "phasing out" for the past 4 months but never really able to break away. Much of this is my own choosing. Like a habitual life-long smoker, I was terrified to quit cold turkey. I was scared to give up a bit of security (and frustration, and grunt work, and exhaustion) for full-time uncertainty. I had a lot of friends warn me that working part-time then trying to go home and work for yourself part-time was madness. They warned me that my productive time would be spliced in half, verses increased.

And of course, they were right. I was afraid to break away completely but I knew it was finally time. I needed to officially cut the cord. So I put an "expiration date" on my Noodles life (September 3rd).

And then I got an email...

Out of the blue, a local company contacted me about a design position. They had tracked me down from a mutual contact and wanted to talk to me. We talked. They liked me and I liked them. So they brought me in for an interview. And then another interview and then a "final interview" with their CEO. I was torn. I really liked their company and what they were trying to accomplish but I struggled with that little nagging voice inside my head, warning me that I was straying from my directive. Was I bailing on my dream? Selling myself short for an "easy out?" And then to further complicate matters, I received an email from someone whose company I used to work for, who wants me to do some paintings for his new restaurant and could I get started on them soon? This email came the same day that my friend (and former boss) called to see if I would be interested in meeting with her new boss about the possibility of doing some illustrations at some point in time for their children's line of clothing. I started to consider the possibility that Fate was trying to intervene. Possibly.

But a full time job close by my house? Think of the benefits! And the salary!! And the location! But then...there were the hours. The workload. The anal retentive CEO. The lack of a post-run shower facility in their office... What to do, what to do, what to do??? It was the equivalent of being asked to the Prom by the safe, kind, guy who is a friend (and probably great relationship material) when what you really want is to be asked out by the dashing, dark, brooding and slightly-dangerous guy (the one who, more then likely, will leave you heartbroke, crying and wallowing in a pint of Ben & Jerry's while wearing the same bathrobe for two weeks) .

And then as quickly as it all came in to my life, it went away. The decision was made for me...they decided to go with another candidate but would possibly utilize me for some illustration work somewhere in time. I got the news while waiting in the Pediatrician's office with Liam. I sat there a bit stunned. Honestly, I thought (rather vainly) the job was MINE to accept of deny. So when they told me they went with someone else I was a bit stunned. And annoyed (I mean, they DID come looking for ME after all!) And sad. And relieved...all at the same time. I kept telling myself (when I thought the job was mine) that whatever happened was what was meant to be and it would be a cosmic sign that I needed to heed. So after some hours of thinking it through (mixed with some hysterics over the thought of no more insurance, no steady pay check, etc--all things I thought I had come to terms with when I agreed to leave Noodles in the first place) I decided it was going to be alright. Things are going to work out. I will pursue my painting and illustrating and still be able to pick up my babies from school and not feel like the worst Mom of the year when I can't make it to "Pumpkin Patch Day!" at preschool.

My life has just course corrected itself yet again. Life sails on.